Intimate Scenes of Loss and Grief Raise Thoughtful Questions About Reality Television
"I don't know how I'm going to bury my mom," Danny sobbed as his friends offered comfort and support.
MTV's The Real World: Austin (Tuesday's - 10PM ET) is the most powerful and profound edition of that long-running reality series since its
season in San Francisco back in 1994. It's also the most moving original series on broadcast or cable television during
this very full summer of first-run television fare.
Indeed, Austin has been so real and so intimate in its presentation of the emotional devastation of one of its youthful housemates that it has actually been painful to watch. It has also raised provocative
questions about television content boundaries. With daytime talk shows candidly exploring every possible detail of human interaction including deviant sexual behavior; cable reality series documenting births, plastic surgeries and life-saving medical procedures with continued frequency; and prime
time reality programs such as Fox' Nanny 911 and ABC's Supernanny and Brat Camp packaging the aberrant behavior and subsequent discipline of troubled children and teenagers for the
entertainment of the masses, it would seem nothing is off limits.
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But Austin has gone into deeper psychological territory than most through the story of 22-year-old Danny, a young man from the Boston area who lost his mother while the show was in production. A
telephone call to his father — in response to an urgent message that he call home — brought the sudden bad news with even more physical impact than Danny had suffered weeks earlier. (During the Austin season premiere, Danny &mash; clearly suffering the worst year of
his young life — drank too much during a night out with his new housemates and got into a rumble with nasty locals. He took a punch to the face that shattered an eye socket.) Danny's response to news of his mother's death was captured in its entirety on camera. Denial. Shock. Grief. In the
background, roommate Nehemiah quietly listened and stood ready to help. Danny ended the call then collapsed weeping in Nehemiah's arms as other housemates gathered around.
It was a powerful moment, but a stronger scene was yet to come. Danny returned to Boston in the next episode
consumed with guilt at not having been home with his mother at the end, rather than far away in Texas. Tearful encounters with his father and sisters followed. But the most extraordinary sequence was the
one in which Danny was reunited with his three best friends and really let himself go. "I don't know how I'm going to bury my mom," he sobbed as his friends offered comfort and support.
I don't think there has been a story this moving since that of young Pedro Zamora in the San Francisco house. Pedro had been diagnosed with AIDS and was throughout the taping of that show facing
the very real possibility that death could come at any time. (Pedro died in November 1994.) There was an unforgettable moment at the end of one episode when housemates Judd and Pam (who would later marry) went with Pedro to a park on a sunny afternoon. As they watched Pedro play in the sun
and enjoy himself the expressions on their faces made clear that they were already mourning the loss of their friend.
Danny's loss and the raw emotion of his response has made for riveting television — and the producers of The Real World have handled the matter with great respect and restraint &mash; but as I watch I wonder why this young man and his family agreed to be filmed during this period
of intense personal grief, including the funeral. The terrible phone call and Danny's immediate breakdown took place in the Austin house where it is understood that anything and everything (except graphic intercourse and bowel movements) is fair game. But once Danny left Austin I wonder why he agreed to be filmed. Further, why did his father, sisters and other relatives
also agree? (No faces were blurred, so it is clear everyone signed the necessary legal documents.) MTV will repeat episodes of Austin for years, and it will likely be packaged as a DVD release, meaning the loss of Danny's mom and the grieving processes of all of her loved ones will be
available for viewing for all time. I can't imagine being Danny (or one of his relatives) and coming upon these moments of extreme personal loss while casually channel surfing in the future.
Certainly, we're learning about life, love
and loss from Danny, his family and his friends. But while it may be good for us, is it good for them?
