ABC's The Nine Returns, Discovery Kicks off Shark Week, and more Watercooler TV

SATURDAY, JULY 28

Sands of Oblivion (Sci Fi, 9 p.m. ET) Premiere. Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer Simpson, acts as Cecil B. DeMille in this saucy horror flick. The movie begins with Castellaneta as DeMille filming The Ten Commandments. It turns out that the artifacts in the movie are the real thing brought back from Egypt, but they're also cursed by an evil spirit. When, years later, an archaeological dig uncovers the artifacts, the spirit - in the form of an Egyptian god seeking revenge - is unleashed. Adam Baldwin and Morena Baccarrin also star.

Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance: Paris (Oxygen, 9 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. After 200 auditioned, the five plus-size finalists were flown to Paris to compete for the title of Miss F.A.T. (Fabulous and Thick) and a $50,000 prize. The finalists participated in the annual "Beauty Boot Camp," which consists of a series of challenges, including partaking in a nude body painting photo shoot. The competition ends with a runway show to determine who will take home the final prize.

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Mo'Nique Behind Bars (Oxygen, 10 p.m. ET) Premiere. Mo'Nique really does go behind bars as she interviews prisoners at the Ohio Reformatory for Women, which 2,000 female felons call home. The women divulge details of their lives to Mo'Nique about the crimes they committed, living in prison, the role their families play, and more. Learn how the wrong choices these inmates made affected their lives forever.

SUNDAY, JULY 29

Ocean of Fear: The Worst Shark Attack Ever (Discovery, 9 p.m. ET) Premiere. To kick off the 20th anniversary celebration of Shark Week, check out this special about the worst shark attack ever. Narrated by Richard Dreyfuss (Matt Hooper in Jaws), this special tells the haunting story of the U.S.S. Indianapolis that was sunk by torpedoes in the Philippine Sea on July 30, 1945. Eight hundred sailors were left to fend for themselves without food or drink, and threatened by hundreds of sharks. This Discovery special scientifically investigates this shark attack, for the first time ever, and explores why the sharks attacked and why they sometimes didn't, and examines how the survivors made it through.

Design Star (HGTV, 10 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. The 11 finalists have been chosen, the judges - Vern Yip, Cynthia Rowley and Martha McCully - are back, and they're heading to Las Vegas! After each challenge that tests the creativity and skill of the designers, one will be eliminated, and the others will be one step closer to their chance of winning their own show on HGTV. Stay tuned to find out if this season's talent will stack up to last year's, and if there will be another David Bromstad in the bunch. Keep your eye on MediaVillage.com for interviews with the contestants.

MONDAY, JULY 30

Science of Dwarfism and Science of Gigantism (National Geographic Channel, 9 p.m. ET) Premiere. These two National Geographic shows investigate the science of extraordinary people. Science of Dwarfism studies the different types of dwarfism and the medical procedures to treat them. Viewers will be introduced to a family of three, all with different types of dwarfism, and Danny White, a high school senior who is a primordial dwarf, meaning that he's one of the smallest people in the world. In Science of Gigantism, learn what makes these people grow to such heights, like how a benign tumor on his pituitary gland caused Igor Vovkovinskiy to reach 7 feet, 8 inches tall. Also meet the tallest woman in the world and Dave Rassmussen, whose tall stature is due to the mutation of just one gene. Science of Dwarfism airs at 9 p.m. and is followed by Science of Gigantism at 10 p.m.

Hell's Kitchen (Fox, 9 p.m. ET) It's one of the most fun challenges of the season. The final three must create gourmet versions of America classics and serve them to some very VIP guests: their mothers. The moms, however, don't know whose dishes they're eating, so when they vote on their favorite dish, they often unknowingly vote for a contestant other than their child. Later, each contestant gets a chance at running a dinner service in Hell's Kitchen.

My Boys (TBS, 10 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. My Boys kicks off its sophomore season with two back-to-back episodes. Here's what to look forward to this season with each of the characters: Andy moves with wife Meredith to the suburbs, unaware that she has a surprise in store for him. Mike bounces back from unemployment and starts working with an unusual business partner. Bobby finally feels like a part of "the boys" but also reveals a scandalous secret. Then there's Brendan, whose personality transforms a bit and it's up to the rest of the crew to get him back to normal. As for the ladies, Stephanie's luck increases when it comes to dating, but goes downhill with her finances. And, PJ and Stephanie have bought two two-for-one tickets to Italy and spend their summer searching for the perfect boys to take with them. As the season progresses, PJ must figure out if she even wants to bring a guy with her at all. In the premiere episode, PJ and Brendan's kiss continues to haunt them, Kenny gets a new girlfriend, and Andy deals with his move to the suburbs. In episode two, PJ guests on a sports show and Stephanie tries to convince PJ to travel to Italy.

Wedding Gown Secrets Revealed (WE, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. It's the day most women have been dreaming about since they were little girls: their wedding day. In order to find the perfect dress, Wedding Gown Secrets Revealed uncovers the secrets to find the best gown for each bride.

Six Degrees of Martina McBride (ABC, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Six hopefuls use the six degrees theory and help from Martina McBride to try and realize their dreams of becoming country music stars. The competition is that each of the six contestants must find their way to Martina McBride using six degrees of separation - aka they must find someone they know, ask them to introduce them to someone they know, etc. with the goal of finally being introduced to McBride. The contestants were not allowed to Google her, call her office, or wait for her at the location of her next performance. The six degrees theory had to be used. Once the connection to McBride is made, the singers will face other writing, singing and performing challenges. The final three will produce a demo with McBride's help, and the winning single will be distributed by Sony BMG through iTunes.

TUESDAY, JULY 31

America's Got Talent (ABC, 8 p.m. ET) The top ten performers showcase their talent.

Shaq's Big Challenge (ABC, 9 p.m. ET) Season Finale. Shaquille O'Neal wraps up his attempts at transforming six obese middle school kids into healthy teens. In this final episode, the kids take the president's physical fitness exam, they receive their medical diagnoses, and Shaq takes them to meet the governor of Florida.

Flipping Out (Bravo, 10 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. Professional house flipper Jeff Lewis takes being obsessive compulsive to a whole new level on Bravo's latest foray in the reality genre. Although Lewis always turns a six-figure profit on his properties, it's his office and home life that causes the drama. As Lewis says on the premiere, he doesn't believe any of his assistants would pass a psych exam. The assistant who answers the phone has an exact script she must read. Along with the other assistants and official "trash man," there's Lewis' business partner/ex boyfriend, and his many therapists and spiritual advisors. And, we can't forget Lewis' pets who get the luxury of acupuncture.

Murder (Spike TV, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. With all the Law & Order's and CSI's out there, many TV viewers believe they can solve homicide cases. Spike TV's Murder puts them to the test. Homicide detective Tommy Le Noir hosts this reality crime show in which gruesome crime scenes are recreated and two teams of people, made up of three members each, have to try to be the first team to solve the case correctly in 48 hours. In the pilot, the case involves a husband and wife shot to death in their bedroom.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1

Footballers Wive$ (BBC America, 8 p.m. ET) Series Finale. Lucy realizes she wants to keep her baby, and Liberty goes to Tokyo to shoot a racist commercial. Not only is Paulo in a mental hospital, but Tanya also discovers that her dead ex-husband's assets have been frozen. Tanya can only wonder how she'll survive without money, without a job, and without a husband. Meanwhile, Roger's dead body is found and the ladies gather together to support Jackie. With all their past grievances forgotten, Tanya and Jackie get together and bring down Garry for his part in Roger's death. Of course, in the comic relief special that follows this episode, The Last Ever, Ever Footballers' Wive$ Tanya wakes up and realizes the entire series has been a dream… until she picks up a lighter and her room explodes.

The Nine (ABC, 10 p.m. ET) Returning Series. ABC is airing the remaining episodes of this doomed series in its regular timeslot. Although we won't be getting a second season of the drama, at least we get to find out how the first season ended. In this episode, eight of the nine (since Eva died) are brought into the DA's office to go over the events of the shooting of the security guard. Kathryn (Kim Raver) gets an endorsement for District Attorney by the Mayor, and Lizzie finally learns that Jeremy (Scott Wolf) and Franny have a relationship brewing.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8 p.m. ET) The final eight contestants show off their dancing skills.

American Inventor (ABC, 9 p.m. ET) Season Finale. Who will win the $1 million prize? Will it be the custom built racers creator? The Christmas tree guardian angel fire fighter? Or the backless bra inventor? Be sure to go to ABC's American Inventor site for voting instructions, as only toll-free and text message voting is allowed.

Last Comic Standing (NBC, 9 p.m. ET) It's down to the top ten finalists, and they must now experience what every comedian dreads - the heckler. This challenge pits each comedian against a heckler to see how they handle it. Then it's the first head-to-head showdown as the comedians face off against each other.

Fashionista Diaries (SOAPnet, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Follow six assistants as they try to navigate and survive the wonderful world of beauty and fashion. Breaking up into teams of two, the assistants join three different high esteemed companies, crossing paths with projects and events. The series ends at 2007 Fashion Week, the industry's biggest event.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 2

Two Hands (Cinemax, 7 p.m. ET) Premiere. When he was young, Leon Fleisher's mother gave him a choice: to become the first Jewish President of the United States or to become a concert pianist. Fleisher chose piano, and became a gifted child prodigy. Then in 1964 he learned he was losing the use of two fingers on his right hand, and even after many therapies, nothing could get his fingers to work again. Instead of giving up, Fleisher began to only play pieces that were written entirely for the left hand. After a surgery to help with carpal tunnel, Fleisher found he was able to move his fingers in his right hand again. While he isn't cured, now at 78, he is able to play concerts with both hands. Two Hands documents Leon Fleisher's musical journey.

X Games 13 (ESPN, 9 p.m. ET) It's the leading competition in action sports, showcasing over 150 of the world's top athletes in events like skateboarding. Last year over 138,000 fans turned out to watch the exciting sports event. This year's competition will be adding three new sports: women's surfing, BMX Freestyle Big Air and Moto X Racing.

Indie Sex (IFC, midnight ET) Series Premiere. Sex and nudity have always been a part of cinema, and this series, divided into four parts - censored, taboos, teens, and extremes - explores sex and nudity throughout the years. In Censored, we learn how filmmakers, the film industry, and special interest groups have tried to both regulate and deregulate these images on film. Taboos discusses how popular films leave out the more realistic aspects of sex and how indie films often express these more natural features. Teens dives into the history and role of teenage sex and sexuality on the big screen, and Extremes reviews the most controversial sex scenes.

Hey Paula (Bravo, 8:30 p.m. ET) Season Finale. Although Hey Paula only added veracity to the rumors that Paula Abdul is off her rocker, in this episode we see the consequences of that in her business life. Remember in the premiere when Abdul cried that the Bratz producers hadn't gotten back to her about all her designs? Well this week the folks for Bratz let Paula know that her work is no longer needed. According to Page Six, Abdul was "a nightmare to deal with." As if we needed more proof.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 3.

Fallen (ABC Family, 8 p.m. ET) Part one of this three part series originally aired in June 2006. This is a special encore presentation of part one, to introduce the new parts two and three that will air on the next two subsequent nights. An adaptation of Tom Sniegoski's books, Fallen is about an orphan, Aaron, who discovers that he's a Nephilim - half-angel, half-man - on his 18th birthday. The story delves into the mythology of fallen angels and their children who are looking for the chosen one, Aaron, to send him back to Heaven. During his journeys, Aaron is also put to the test by Lucifer, the ultimate fallen angel.

Drake & Josh: Really Big Shrimp (Nickelodeon, 8 p.m. ET) Premiere. In the second Nickelodeon movie based on the network's hit series Drake & Josh, Drake learns that one of his songs will be used in a commercial set to debut during the Super Bowl. All is well until manager Josh inadvertently signs away the creative rights to the song. Drake Bell, Josh Peck and Miranda Cosgrove star. MediaVillage junior critic Maya Motavalli says: Really Big Shrimp is really funny and full of things that Drake and Josh followers have been waiting for. Every episode of Drake & Josh has something to do with Drake's music. Now we get to see Drake actually get discovered! FINALLY! The main song in this movie is Makes Me Happy by Drake. It's a really good song and it sticks in your head after a while. A lot of times, the humor in Drake & Josh is the two of them fighting each other or something bad happening to them, but in this movie there are different kinds of humor. Overall, Really Big Shrimp is one of the best things Nickelodeon has shown all summer. By: Maya Motavalli