SATURDAY, JANUARY 8
The Will (CBS, 8 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Ninety Minutes. This lowbrow reality effort about family members, friends and acquaintances competing to become heir to a rich old man's Kansas ranch would seem more at home on Fox or ABC than CBS, a network that normally serves up classy unscripted fare like "Survivor" and "The Amazing Race." Hell, even "Big Brother" is better than this. "The Will" is included in this week's Water Cooler TV report only because it has the rare distinction of being an original series on the Saturday night schedule of a Big Three network.
SUNDAY, JANUARY 9
24 (Fox, 8 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. Two Hours. The fourth season of Fox' classiest series is off to an explosive start as Jack Bauer -- fired from CTU as a result of his heroin addiction last season -- is predictably but excitingly drawn back to his old workplace following a terrorist strike on a train full of people and a credible threat that there are more attacks to come. Kiefer Sutherland returns as Bauer and Mary Lynn Rajskub is back as invaluable CTU techie Chloe, but virtually every other primary and supporting character is gone, including Jack's irritating daughter Kim. This season's supporting cast includes Kim Raver ("Third Watch") as Jack's girlfriend Audrey; William Devane as Audrey's father James Heller, the Secretary of Defense; Logan Marshall-Green as Audrey's rebellious brother; Aisha Tyler as a CTU operative; and Nestor Serrano and Shohreh Aghdashloo as a married couple at the center of this season's terrorist activities.
People's Choice Awards (CBS, 9 p.m. ET) Live. Jason Alexander and Malcolm-Jamal Warner aren't exactly generating buzz as the stars of CBS' limp new sitcom "Listen Up." Maybe they'll fare better here as the hosts of the 31st annual People's Choice Awards, which honors the best movies, television shows, songs and performers as chosen by the American public rather than the industry peers who typically select show business award recipients. All of the voting this year was executed online, so it is likely that the winners will represent the choices of younger Americans.
Carnivale (HBO, 9 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. Fans of this bizarre HBO drama are divided into two camps: Those who claim to understand what's going on, and those who don't but enjoy the ride anyway. Set in the mid-west during the Great Depression, it's all about young Ben Hawkins, an 18-year-old fugitive with mysterious powers who is taken in by a traveling carnival troupe, and Brother Justin, a sinister evangelist seeking followers. According to the show's mythology, Hawkins and Justin are destined to meet, perhaps during the "final battle between good and evil," whatever that is. Nick Stahl, Clancy Brown, Adrienne Barbeau, Amy Madigan, Ralph Waite, Clea DuVall and Michael J. Anderson star.
Boston Legal (ABC, 10 p.m. ET) Despite award-winning performances by Emmy winners James Spader and William Shatner and storylines that are refreshingly targeted to an adult audience, "Boston Legal" hasn't been as successful in the ratings as it should be, especially with "Desperate Housewives" as its powerful lead-in. Perhaps the problem has been the absence of a strong female actress in a primary role. If that's the case, ratings for this show should shoot through the roof tonight when Candice Bergen joins the cast as Shirley Schmidt, a founding partner of Crane, Poole & Schmidt and a fine foil for attorneys Alan Shore and Denny Crane. We recommend that executive producer David E. Kelley also consider recruiting actors from his previous Boston-based series "Ally McBeal" and "The Practice" to bring their characters to "Boston Legal" in guest appearances and further strengthen this show.
Unscripted (HBO, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Two Episodes. Following the failure of "K Street," a half-hour series set in Washington, D.C., and executive produced by George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh that featured real-life politicians and political advisors interacting with fictional characters, HBO gives us "Unscripted," a half-hour series set in Los Angeles and executive produced by George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh that features real-life actors interacting with fictional characters. HBO is doing a much better job exploring young Hollywood with "Entourage," but one should never underestimate the power of this network's programming.
MONDAY, JANUARY 10
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: How'd They Do That? (ABC, 8 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Apparently forgetting the painful lessons a previous regime of ABC programmers learned when they over-exposed a successful franchise ("Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"), the network tonight launches a spin-off of its extremely potent Sunday reality series "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," a series connected if only by title to ABC's plastic surgery show "Extreme Makeover." "How'd They Do That?" offers a more in-depth look at the home renovations seen on the Sunday series.
24 (Fox, 8 p.m. ET) Two Hours. The grand opening of the fourth season of Fox' high-action drama continues with two new episodes tonight. "24" will settle into its regular Monday 9 p.m. ET time period beginning next week.
The Bachelorette (ABC, 9 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. Two Hours. Certain magazine editors are clearing their covers as you read this, because while ABC's reality romance series may not be earning the powerful ratings they once enjoyed, the exploits of their casts still make for endless tabloid fodder. Indefatigable Jennifer Schefft, the pretty woman from Chicago who was proposed to by dashing young businessman Andrew Firestone at the end of the third season of "The Bachelor," only to later break up with him, is back on TV looking for another husband during this third season of "The Bachelorette." At the start, she's got 25 guys from which to choose. The show this season is set in New York City rather than California, bringing much needed new energy to this aging franchise.
Growing Up Gotti (A&E, 9 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. A&E launches season two of its most successful series with two new back-to-back episodes. As fans of this show know, it's no secret that Victoria Gotti doesn't always make the best choices (especially when it comes to men), but she outdoes herself in this two-parter when she allows her three teenage sons to spend a night in the Hamptons under the supervision of family friend Quack-Quack. (Wasn't he the goon she trusted last season to chaperone her boys during a disastrous stay in Miami?) In part one, two of the Hotti Gottis beat the snot out of each other; in part two, Quack-Quack briefly deserts the boys and, later, faces an enraged Victoria.
American Dream Derby (GSN, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Two Episodes. Twelve people from around the country will learn everything there is to know about caring for thoroughbred racehorses and competing in high-stakes races in this unscripted series. Nine of them will be eliminated through challenges and races during the first seven episodes, with the remaining three guaranteed positions in the live series finale on February 21. The finale, which will be telecast at 6 p.m. ET on that date, will feature the First Annual American Dream Derby Stakes at Santa Anita Park. As determined by online voting, five of the eliminated contestants will also participate in the climactic race. The winner will receive $250,000 and the many thoroughbred horses featured on this show.
TUESDAY, JANUARY 11
The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 p.m. ET) Season Finale. Last night, the little basic cable network GSN debuted an uncommonly ambitious unscripted series titled "American Dream Derby" in which contestants compete in a series of challenges and competitions set against the world of horse racing. Tonight, the great big broadcast network NBC concludes the first season of an uncommonly pitiful unscripted series titled "The Biggest Loser" in which fat people compete to lose weight. No wonder broadcast keeps losing viewers to cable. In tonight's exciting finale, the remaining overweight people excitingly step on the scale to see who was most successful at exercising and not eating.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Bravo, 10 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. In a change of pace episode, the Fab 5 hurriedly plan a wedding for a man named Ray, a United States Army soldier who is about to be deployed to Iraq. This is no ordinary wedding: Ray has learned that his marriage to wife Marie in Colombia will not be recognized by the Armed Forces and he wants to set everything right before leaving his wife and one-year-old daughter and heading off to war. "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" slipped in the ratings during the second half of its second season. Perhaps it can regain traction with emotion-driven episodes like this one.
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12
Queer Eye for the Straight Girl (Bravo, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. According to Bravo, straight women have since the debut of "Queer Eye for the Straight guy" expressed interest in a show in which they too might benefit from the style talents of gay men. Ladies, be careful what you wish for. With the Fab 5 otherwise engaged, a new gay style team known as the Gal Pals has been recruited to makeover ordinary women in "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl." The Gal Pals consist of Robbie the stylist, Danny the life coach (shades of "The Swan"), Damon the interior designer, and Honey Labrador, a lesbian who assists the other three on their weekly missions.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 13
Tilt (ESPN, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. ESPN's second try at a weekly scripted drama centers on a legendary card player in Las Vegas and the team of smug young card sharks who are determined to take him down. Michael Madsen ("Reservoir Dogs," "Kill Bill") and Eddie Cibrian ("Third Watch") star.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 14
Jonny Zero (Fox, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. A troubled young ex-convict tries to go straight after four years in prison but is blackmailed by the FBI into working undercover for his former boss, a corrupt club owner the feds are trying to bring down. This gritty New York City-based crime drama boasts John Wells ("ER," "The West Wing") among its executive producers. Franky G and someone named GQ star.
Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi Channel, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Two Hours. The 1978 ABC science fiction series "Battlestar Galactica" -- widely dismissed at the time as a cut-rate clone of the original "Star Wars" -- was cancelled after one season. But the show had built a vocal fan base large enough to prompt the network to try again with "Galactica 1980," a failed effort that lasted for 10 weeks. Twenty-three years later, Sci Fi revived the franchise with a well-received December 2003 miniseries, properly upgraded with heavy doses of violence and sexuality for contemporary consumption. The ratings were robust. Tonight, "BG" becomes an ongoing series on Sci Fi. The narrative backdrop remains the same: The remaining humans from decimated colony planets are trying to make their way to the original home world -- that would be earth -- with the lethal Cylons in hot pursuit. "BG" is the perfect Friday night science-fiction show. Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell star.