Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber (Oxygen, 8 p.m. ET)
Premiere. Here's an amusing little confection that is too lightweight for either broadcast or the pay networks but should play very nicely as Saturday night entertainment on Oxygen. A sexy, sparkling Jennifer
Love Hewitt stars as Katya Livingston, a self-centered, aggressive and ridiculously trend-conscious 28-year-old advertising executive who makes it her mission in life to score a ticket to the hottest society gathering of the year. Her party-crashing efforts don't work out very well, but they do land
Katya in the path of a handsome man she believes is Mr. Right. Of course, in true romantic comedy fashion, Katya proceeds to do everything wrong, socially, professionally and in her budding
relationship. "Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber" isn't great art, but at times it does evoke the frothy escapist fun of those Doris Day movies from the Sixties. Joseph Lawrence co-stars in a total change of
pace role as Katya's gay best friend, and Colin Ferguson plays the object of Katya's affections.
Thicker than Water (Hallmark Channel, 9 p.m. ET)
Premiere. Seventies television icons Lindsay Wagner ("The Bionic Woman") and Melissa Gilbert ("Little House on the Prairie") star in a picturesque family drama about a young woman's search to learn the truth
about her deceased father's secret past. Her investigation leads her to a half-sister she never knew she had, a woman who has turned her sprawling property into a haven for wild horses. Brian Wimmer ("China Beach") co-stars.
Jake in Progress (ABC, 9 p.m. ET)
Series Premiere. Two Episodes. John Stamos stars in a very funny contemporary comedy about the chaotic personal and
professional life of a high-powered New York City celebrity publicist named Jake Phillips and his circle of friends and co-workers. This is a sophisticated single camera production that is much more
entertaining than ABC's current on-air promos suggest, but it would have been infinitely better had it actually been shot on location in Manhattan, rather than a Hollywood lot. Indeed, it could have evolved into another "Sex and the City" were it not for that severe miscalculation by its producers.
Still, "Jake" is the best new situation comedy of the season. Don't miss the second episode at 9:30 p.m. ET, in which Jake manages a significant professional crisis: One member of the Gay-migos, a Fab
Five-inspired team of homosexual stylists and television personalities he represents, reveals to Jake that he is a closet heterosexual, threatening the livelihood of the group. The always-welcome Wendie
Malick ("Just Shoot Me," "Frasier") and Ian Gomez ("Felicity") co-star.
Kelsey Grammer Presents: The Sketch Show (Fox, 9:30 p.m. ET)
Series Premiere. This isn't a very good show. In fact, it's just a haphazard presentation of quick-fire comedy skits and goofy gags that will have you longing for the extended fun of the better sketches on "Saturday
Night Live" and "Mad TV." But it's worth a look for two reasons: It marks the return to series television of Kelsey Grammer (who appears in the occasional sketch) and features among its ensemble of five performers Mary Lynn Rajskub, the moody computer whiz Chloe on "24." Speaking of "24," it has
been better than ever this season, but it isn't utilizing Rajskub as much as it could or should. Let's hope she didn't leave that show just to goof around on this one.
Boston Legal (ABC, 10 p.m. ET)
Chi McBride reprises his role of Principal Harper from the much-missed Fox drama "Boston Public" in an episode that also features a guest turn by Carl Reiner. Like "Boston Legal," "Boston Public" was a
Beantown-based series from executive producer David E. Kelley. So were "Ally McBeal" and "The Practice." Kelley really should consider bringing other characters from those series back on "Boston Legal," since
all of the people on these shows exist in the same world. Viewers would no doubt enjoy seeing old favorites from the Kelley collective, just as they have responded this season to return appearances by Chris Noth,
Carey Lowell, Stephanie March and other characters from Dick Wolf's "Law & Order" classics, sometimes on different shows than the ones on which they first appeared within that ever-expanding franchise. Reiner,
meanwhile, appears as Atty. Martin Bombay, a long-time adversary of Denny Crane and Shirley Schmidt.
MONDAY, MARCH 14
Fat Actress (Showtime, 10 p.m. ET)
Kid Rock scores playing himself as the object of under-sexed Kirstie's burning desires. (He secretly harbors feelings for
her, as well). Here's hoping he'll be back. Carmen Electra is also on hand for two brief scenes in which she clobbers Kirstie's
obnoxious assistant Eddie, physically and psychologically. Let's see more of that!
Mr. Romance (Oxygen, 10 p.m. ET)
Series Premiere. Here's a new reality competition show with a pleasant twist -- contestants and viewers need not suffer the indignity of a painful elimination at the end of each episode. Rather, the
contestants here stick around for the entire series. They're twelve men who are training to compete in a male beauty pageant. The winner will receive $50,000 and guaranteed work as a cover model for upcoming books in the
Harlequin romance series. Yes, it's the search for the next Fabio, and the man himself is on hand to mentor the guys. Cindy Guyer, another leading romance novel cover model, will also participate as the "headmistress" of the "romance academy" the men live in during this production. Fabio will
be one of the pageant judges in the two-hour finale, along with series creator Gene Simmons of KISS. You read that right. Gene Simmons actually sat down and created this show. Stranger things have happened … or maybe they haven't.
TUESDAY, MARCH 15
American Idol (Fox, 8 p.m. ET)
Live. The top twelve begin the final competition that will find one of them becoming one of the best known singers in the
country by the end of May and Fox cementing its hold on the 18-34 and 18-49 demographics for the rest of the season.
Project Greenlight (Bravo, 9 p.m. ET)
Season Premiere. The HBO reality series that chronicles the struggle of an aspiring filmmaker to take a low-budget movie project from script pitch to final edit (with a little help from executive producers
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and several executives from LivePlanet and Miramax) moves over to Bravo for its third season. The essential low-budget feel of this show will probably prove more compatible to the youthful, freewheeling environment of Bravo than to the polished formality of the
pay-cable giant it used to call home. The first two seasons of "Project Greenlight" yielded two earnest and immediately forgettable dramas. This time around, Damon, Affleck and company will play both to the strengths and limitations of this franchise by creating a cheesy low-budget horror movie
with one of the genre's masters, Wes Craven, along as a producer. America Online will offer the premiere episode free for the next week beginning with a simulcast of its West Coast debut at 9 p.m. PT. AOL will also
simulcast the "Project Greenlight" season finale on May 10.
The Shield (FX, 10 p.m. ET)
Season Premiere. In one of the coolest casting moves by any show on any network since Candice Bergen joined "Boston Legal," acclaimed actress Glenn Close joins this already perfect series as Monica Rawling, a tough
street cop who has risen through the ranks to become the new captain of the Farmington squad now that David Aceveda has become a city councilman. That makes her the new boss of rule-buster Vic Mackey,
whose beloved Strike Team imploded at the end of last season, and puts her at odds with almost everybody at the Barn. In one of her first moves, Rawling spearheads a controversial new law enforcement program and assigns Mackey to run it. Meanwhile, Claudette remains ostracized from
most of her fellow detectives, Aceveda continues to deal with the aftermath of his rape, and cat-killer "Dutch" raises his new kittens. (We're watching you, bud.)
Impossible Heists (Court TV, 10 p.m. ET)
Series Premiere. Two teams of skilled action professionals (bodyguards, acrobats, military personnel and such) compete to
successfully execute physically challenging heists and bypass state of the art security systems.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16
American Dreams (NBC, 8 p.m. ET)
Viewer interest in this nostalgic family drama continues to slide, but the producers have nobody to blame but themselves, because they have made this show too fast-paced for its own good. Scenes that should drive
story, develop character and make an emotional impact fly by so quickly that they fail on all counts. We've tried to tell NBC executives to slow it down a bit and keep its presentation more in line with its narrative, but they refuse to listen. Oh well, can't say we didn't try. In what may be a last
ditch effort to create some traction for the show, the guest star tonight is Paris Hilton, playing Barbara Eden during her "I Dream of Jeannie" period. This episode finds Meg and Roxanne following Dick Clark as he relocates his "American Bandstand" show from Philadelphia to Los Angeles and
having their first encounter with real Sixties hippies.
TV Land Awards (TV Land/Nick at Nite, 9 p.m. ET)
Cedric the Entertainer hosts the third annual TV Land Awards presentation, taped Sunday in Los Angeles and simulcast on TV Land and Nick at Nite tonight. Like the MTV Movie Awards, the TV Land Awards allow
viewers to be the judges and vote online in a host of clever classic television categories, including Favorite Private Eye, Favorite Two-Part Cliffhanger and Theme Song You Just Can't Get Out of Your Head. (That one's
easy. "Green Acres." No contest.) In addition, special honors will be bestowed on the casts of "The Carol Burnett Show" and "The Bob Newhart Show" and there will be a tribute to legendary producer Aaron
Spelling by cast members of his many classic series. On the music front, Maya, Ashanti, Little Richard, Stevie Wonder and others will sing the praises of the classic series "Soul Train." Despite all that star power,
much of the media attention for this event will go to the creator of this year's Future Classic and the high-profile presenters of this honor. We know the identity of this individual, and we're desperate to tell you, but we've been sworn to secrecy.
THURSDAY, MARCH 17
Jake in Progress (ABC, 8 p.m. ET)
Time Period Premiere. Two Episodes. ABC's winning new comedy series starring John Stamos settles into its new time periods tonight. Yes, that's time periods plural, because in an interesting scheduling ploy ABC
plans to run back-to-back half-hour episodes every Thursday from 8-9 p.m. ET. For more information on this show see Sunday, March 13.
FRIDAY, MARCH 18
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody (Disney Channel, 7 p.m. ET)
Series Premiere. Two Episodes. My goddaughters (ages 8 and 10) pay no attention at all to anything on the broadcast networks, but they're fully engaged weeks before a new series makes its premiere on Disney
Channel or Nickelodeon. So it came as no surprise when I walked into their home two weeks ago carrying an advance copy of "The Suite Life of Zach & Cody" and they practically pulled my arm out of its socket. The ten year old's review: "It's much better than I thought it would be!" The
eight year old said she liked it "a lot." As for me, "Zach & Cody" isn't going on my must-see list, but it's great having Kim Rhodes back on television. (Rhodes played that memorably crazy chick Cindy on the soap "Another World.") She plays a singer who headlines at an upscale Boston hotel
and takes up residence in a lavish suite with her twelve year old twin boys, the aforementioned Cody and Zach (played by real life twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse).
