SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17
Jules Verne's Mysterious Island (Hallmark Channel, 8 p.m. ET) Premiere. Three Hours. Kyle Maclachlan, Patrick Stewart, Gabrielle Anwar and Omar Gooding star in a new adaptation of the classic Jules Verne novel about a group of castaways during the Civil War period who build a community on an uncharted island with help from the legendary Captain Nemo. Pirates, giant reptilian creatures and severe storms test the group's resolve as they struggle to survive. Mysterious Island was filmed entirely on location in Karobi, Thailand, an area devastated by the tsunami last December two days after principal photography wrapped. Directed by Russell Mulcahy.
CMT 100 Greatest Duets (CMT, 5 p.m. ET) Premiere. Six Hours. In what may be the biggest tribute to classic country music duets in television history, CMT will present a four-hour countdown of the 100 greatest country duets followed by a two-hour concert special showcasing the top 12 songs from that list. The concert will feature Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton performing their 1983 hit Islands in the Stream for the first time in nearly two decades and American Idol winner Carrie Underwood (in her Nashville debut) performing Does He Love You with Jamie O'Neal. Additional performers include Trace Adkins, Terri Clark, Montgomery Gentry, Clint Black, Lisa Hartman Black, Lee Ann Womack, Miranda Lambert, Blake Shelton, Travis Tritt and Shooter Jennings.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
Emmy Award Arrivals (E! and TV Guide Channel, 6 p.m. ET) Live. Two Hours. Yikes! Star Jones Reynolds returns as host of E!'s Live from the Red Carpet, interviewing celebrities in front of the Shrine Auditorium as they arrive for the 57th Annual Emmy Awards. She'll be joined by Bravo stars Kathy Griffin of The D-List and Carson Kressley of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, on hand to offer fashion and style critiques. According to E!, Jones Reynolds will occupy the coveted first interview position on the red carpet. We wonder how that sits with Red Carpet Queen Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa, who will be close by competing for celebrity interviews for their live arrival show on the TV Guide Channel.
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody (Disney Channel, 7 p.m. ET) Jesse McCartney plays himself and sings his hit Beautiful Soul in this episode, which finds the teen singing sensation staying at the Tipton Hotel while in town for a concert. Lovestruck London and Maddie are determined to meet him, while opportunistic Zack wants to sell McCartney's belongings to adoring fans. Young television critic Maya Motavalli, a big fan of Suite Life and an even bigger admirer of Jesse McCartney, tells us that "a lot of people are going to watch this episode, because there are a lot of girls out there who love Jesse McCartney." She also reports that McCartney doesn't do anything particularly funny, but that didn't seem to compromise her enjoyment of the show.
57th Annual Emmy Awards (CBS, 8 p.m. ET) Live. Three Hours. Ellen DeGeneres, who did such a terrific job hosting the Emmys in November 2001 after they had twice been postponed (following the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and the beginning of the war in Afghanistan), once again takes on the challenge of hosting this show during a difficult time. The ceremony will include tributes to Johnny Carson and Peter Jennings. Check out our Emmy preferences and predictions and the results of our exclusive Emmy poll on www.mediavillage.com.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19
The Oprah Winfrey Show (check local listings) Season Premiere. It's the start of Season 20 for Winfrey's stunningly influential talk show, and the question on everyone's mind is, Will she try to top the first show of Season 19, when she bizarrely gave free cars to everyone in her studio audience and almost exploded on stage from the excitement of it all? We know she has an exclusive interview today with Jennifer Aniston, but that seems like a mighty comedown. We're hoping she'll follow up her sensational two-part show on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina (Jack Myers Entertainment Report, (9/7) with a plan to further help those in need along the Gulf Coast.
Surface (NBC, 8 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Here's the second of three new science fiction series on the broadcast networks this season about creatures that appear to be aliens rising out of the ocean and menacing mankind. (CBS' Threshold made its debut last Friday. ABC's Invasion begins on Wednesday.) The creators of Surface (formerly known as Fathom) assert that their show will distinguish itself from the other two by inspiring a sense of "awe" and "wonder" in viewers, somewhat similar to the experience of watching ET. But there is absolutely no evidence of that in this lame pilot, one of the new season's worst. Forget "awe" and "wonder." Surface isn't particularly exciting or dramatic, either.
Arrested Development (Fox, 8 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. Michael resumes control of The Bluth Co. and begins searching for George Sr. as the third season of this much-praised, ratings-challenged underdog begins. Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor, Portia de Rossi and Jessica Walter star.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8:30 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. One of the most well received new comedies this season by the Television Critics Association, Mother features two very familiar faces in supporting roles: Neil Patrick Harris of Doogie Howser, M.D. and Alyson Hannigan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They steal every scene they're in, but newcomers Josh Radnor and Cobie Smulders also shine. Mother is actually the flashback retelling by Radnor's character in the year 2030 of the present-day relationships he shared with his twenty-something friends. Ultimately, one of them turns out to be the woman he marries, but there are surprising twists and turns throughout. It's almost like a comic soap opera.
Kitchen Confidential (Fox, 8:30 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. A handsome young chef who enjoyed huge success at an early age, only to lose it all and hit rock bottom after a mad whirl of drink, drugs and womanizing, has the chance to start over as head chef of a top New York City restaurant where everything goes wrong all of the time. This comedy is based on the autobiography of renowned chef Anthony Bourdain as interpreted by Darren Star, the executive producer of Sex and the City. Bradley Cooper, Nicholas Brendon, Jamie King and Bonnie Somerville star.
Just Legal (The WB, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Don Johnson returns to series television as Grant Cooper, a washed-up, alcoholic court-appointed attorney who takes on a 19-year-old legal prodigy who can't find work at any of the giant law firms in Los Angeles. It says a lot about this kid that he can't understand why established titans of the legal profession aren't champing at the bit to hire a teenager with no experience. That's part of the problem with this new drama: Viewers are actually supposed to like this guy, but as played by Jay Baruchel he's an irritant. Johnson's role isn't particularly flattering or fun to watch, either.
Out of Practice (CBS, 9:30 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. This comedy about a semi-dysfunctional family of doctors comes from two executive producers of Frasier, Christopher Lloyd and Joe Keenan, and while it's nowhere near as funny or sophisticated as that much-missed classic, it's much better than most of the sitcoms that have come along in recent years. It also boasts a highly appealing cast, including Stockard Channing, Henry Winkler, Paula Marshall and Christopher Gorham (Jake 2.0).
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20
Dancing with the Stars Dance Off (ABC, 8:30 p.m. ET) Live. 90 Minutes. As detailed in the August 24 edition of JMER, Hal Boedeker of the Orlando Sentinel caused quite a ruckus at the TCA tour during a press conference with ABC Entertainment Steve McPherson when, speaking on behalf of his outraged readers, he asserted that ABC should somehow appease the thousands of viewers of the network's summer hit Dancing with the Stars who thought Kelly Monaco won only because she is a star of an ABC soap opera. McPherson -- as quick on his feet as the contestants on his powerhouse reality franchise -- spontaneously asked if a rematch between Monaco and audience favorite John O'Hurley might be the answer to the controversy. Boedeker and others expressed their approval, and tonight's certain-to-be-a-ratings-smash special was born. Happily, tonight's competition will be voted on by home viewers only, completely bypassing the three judges on this show who lost all credibility when they gave Monaco's strong but flawed final dance a score of three perfect 10s. The outcome will be revealed in a results show on Thursday at 9 p.m. ET.
Big Brother 6 (CBS, 9 p.m. ET) Live. Season Finale. Season 6 of CBS' summer franchise has had no buzz whatsoever, but that hasn't stopped CBS from beginning the search for next year's houseguests. (Interested individuals may learn more online at www.cbs.com.) Even though this is the season finale, it's hard to imagine who will choose to watch this live talk-fest over the live excitement of ABC's Dancing with the Stars Dance Off. Julie Chen hosts.
My Name is Earl (NBC, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. The overall buzz about NBC's fall season is uniformly bad, but even the network's harshest critics are praising this quirky single-camera comedy about a low life troublemaker named Earl who wins the lottery, loses his winning ticket after being struck by a car, experiences an epiphany about the importance of karma while hospitalized and vows to right every wrong he has ever committed during his life. First up: Restore the confidence of a lonely and timid man Earl humiliated when they were kids. Jason Lee stars in what may be the breakout performance of the fall season.
Rock Star: INXS (CBS, 10 p.m. ET) Series Finale. Ratings haven't been robust for this reality series about the competition to become the new lead singer of INXS. Perhaps that's because INXS was largely washed up in this country long before the death of frontman Michael Hutchence in 1997. Still, most of the singers on this show have been truly impressive, and executive producer Mark Burnett should find a way to bring it back next summer, on CBS or another network, and obviously without the INXS component. Perhaps it could simply be a competition for the next great rock star? Tonight we'll learn the band's choice for INXS stardom: Marty, JD or Mig. Actually, these three dynamic singers should start their own band and go kick ass.
Bound for Glory (ESPN, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. The Montour Spartans, a once formidable high school football team in the town of McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania, used to produce some of the top young football players in the country. But recent years have seen a sorry slide in the team's standings. Hall of Fame middle linebacker Dick Butkus is brought in as head coach for one season in this documentary-reality hybrid. He's charged with restoring the Spartans to their former glory while the cameras capture every dramatic moment of his challenge.
Nip/Tuck (FX, 10 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. The Carver's vicious attack on the unsuspecting Christian was the most shocking cliffhanger of any series last year. The third season premiere of this consistently profound drama reveals that Christian survived the assault with minimal physical scarring but deep emotional trauma. With the knife-wielding Carver still terrifyingly on the loose, Christian is slow in returning to the lucrative plastic surgery practice he shares with Sean, who is also one of the maniac's growing number of victims. Sean, meanwhile, takes on more than he can handle with the strange case of a woman known as Momma Boone. It's all very disturbing, but it isn't nearly as dark as next week's episode, when Sean's son Matt learns that the woman he enjoyed all that hot sex with last season was once a man.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart (NBC, 8 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. In the promos for this series Martha Stewart is heard saying, "You don't want me to lose patience," or words to that effect, with something resembling quiet malice. Unfortunately this show hasn't been made available for preview, so there is no way of knowing which Martha we're going to get here: The warm, wholesome, giggling Martha seen in her new daily talk show or the cold, demanding, temperamental task master of legend hinted at in those commercials. Let's hope it's the latter, because without some wicked camp value there may not be any reason to watch another version of NBC's fading franchise, with or without someone of Stewart's stature in the Donald Trump role.
E-Ring (NBC, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Given the man's track record, it's never smart to dismiss a new Jerry Bruckheimer series. But we have to wonder what he was thinking when he committed to this one, in which Pentagon power-players assess, address and resolve crises large and small around the world. The problem here is, as depicted in the pilot, these guys do so in dark Pentagon rooms watching high-stakes international action involving characters we don't know play out on monitors. Sadly, the more exciting show here is on those screens, despite the casting of Dennis Hopper and Benjamin Bratt as two of the Pentagon problem solvers.
Lost (ABC, 9 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. The executive producers of Lost have promised that loyal fans will see what's at the bottom of that tunnel during tonight's episode, and that other answers will be forthcoming sooner rather than later. Of course, for every mystery that is resolved there will likely be two to take its place. Regardless, this is the Must-See program of the week, if not the month. We pity the time period competition on the other networks.
Invasion (ABC, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. The third and final aliens-in-the-ocean series to debut this fall begins with a devastating hurricane, which might prove uncomfortable or off-putting for some viewers in light of recent devastating events. Among the many mysteries established in this opening episode: Why would a dedicated park ranger who lives in the Florida everglades and seeks to evacuate people from homes he deems unsafe not have storm shutters on the big windows in his own modest abode? (Answer: To allow exciting shots of his family members stupidly standing in front of large unprotected windows that shatter in hurricane-force winds. D'oh!) How far could a little girl searching for her cat manage to walk in a hurricane? (Answer: Many miles, it would seem, based on the prolonged effort required to locate the ranger's young daughter and return her to her home.) Why would people who are related to each other constantly remind each other of the nature of their relationships while a massive storm is bearing down on them? (Answer: To blatantly explain for the viewer's benefit who's who and what's what, since the characters are not particularly distinctive or interesting.) How are the writers of this show going to keep this thing going? (Answer: That's a question for the producers of all three alien series.) All that said, we'll give Invasion a few weeks to grab us before we turn away, because we like this stuff when it's well done. Eddie Cibrian, William Fichtner and Lisa Sheridan star.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22
Everybody Hates Chris (UPN, 8 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. As improbable as it would seem, UPN has the best new comedy series of the season in Everybody Hates Chris, a semi-autobiographical look back at the adolescent years of comedian Chris Rock in 1980's Brooklyn. Rock wrote the well-received, uproariously funny pilot and will narrate every episode. Young Tyler James Williams is a find as the 13-year-old Chris, but the breakout stars of this show are Tichina Arnold and Terry Crews as his loving, harried, sensible, hardworking parents -- the likes of which are rarely seen in television comedies anymore.
The Apprentice (NBC, 9 p.m. ET) Season Premiere. Apparently viewers weren't the only ones who were put off by the participants in last spring's "Book Smarts vs. Street Smarts" edition of this franchise. Executive producer Mark Burnett this week sent a note to television critics in which he admitted that he and Donald Trump were disappointed, too. They're promising more serious-minded players this time around and an even tougher series of challenges for the aspiring Trump employees.
Dancing with the Stars Dance Off Results Show (ABC, 9 p.m. ET) Will the results of the viewer voting reveal who did the best dancing on Tuesday night or will they suggest a popularity contest is in play?
Criminal Minds (CBS, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Mandy Patinkin stars in yet another procedural crime drama on CBS' genre-saturated schedule. It's about an elite team of FBI profilers who take on particularly twisted, perverted criminals and sociopaths. Critics haven't responded favorably toward this show, perhaps because its pilot tells yet another story about depraved violence against women, a seriously alarming trend on broadcast television this fall. (Is there a mandate at the networks that women must be butchered, raped, tormented or murdered in a pilot script if it is to have any hope of being picked up for series?) On the plus side, Patinkin has good chemistry with his co-stars, including Thomas Gibson and daytime dynamo Shemar Moore. Criminal Minds moves to its regular time period next Wednesday at 9 p.m. ET.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
Ghost Whisperer (CBS, 8 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Jennifer Love Hewitt stars in a surprisingly touching drama about a newlywed who has the ability to communicate with restless, earthbound spirits and help them convey messages to their loved ones. Wentworth Miller -- star of the new Fox hit Prison Break -- turns in an effective performance as a deceased soldier who needs to connect with his son. Hewitt is utterly sweet, soulful and disarming in the lead role. David Conrad and Aisha Tyler co-star.
Three Wishes (NBC, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Grammy Award-winner Amy Grant and a team of handy contributors (including Carter Oosterhouse of Trading Spaces and Eric Stromer of Clean Sweep) travel to towns around the country and grant wishes to deserving residents. Laudably, this show does not strive to be edgy and acknowledges life as it is lived in areas outside of America's major cities -- an increasing rarity on broadcast television. It's unashamedly manipulative, in the tradition of ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, but unarguably moving. What's wrong with television networks trying to do good things? Heaven knows they frequently do the opposite. NBC could have a feel-good Friday night reality hit on its hands. If that's the case, the network should consider appropriating the easygoing Nashville Star from its cable sibling USA Network and running it at 8 p.m. ET as a lead-in to this show.
Killer Instinct (Fox, 9 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Here it is, folks: The most repulsive pilot of the 2005-06 season, included in this edition of Watercooler TV only to call attention to the depths to which networks will sometimes sink to lure viewers. It's about detectives of the San Francisco Police Department's deviant crime unit and the psychos they pursue. The pervert in this episode uses deadly spiders to bite and paralyze women in their sleep; he then rapes them while they are unable to move and kills them. Next week's episode doesn't sound any better: The nutcase in that show cuts donated organs out of their recipients. Stars Johnny Messner and Chi McBride will soon be looking for work if critics have anything to say about the longevity of this show.
Inconceivable (NBC, 10 p.m. ET) Series Premiere. Could this be the television equivalent of a guilty pleasure chick flick? NBC certainly hopes so. It's a comedy drama about staffers at a fertility clinic and their patients, and it has three very likeable stars as its leads: Ming-Na (formerly of ER), Angie Harmon (formerly of Law & Order) and Jonathan Cake (a largely unknown actor who could become television's newest heartthrob). Alfre Woodard, the newest addition to the cast of ABC's Desperate Housewives , guest stars.