Our top moments of the week:
15. Sweetest First Impression: A handful of suitors make bold, weird entrances (arriving via helicopter, carrying an ostrich egg, and dressing like a grandma) on the season premiere of The Bachelorette, but Doug takes a sweet approach. The single dad presents single mom Emily with a handwritten note from his son explaining how he's the best dad in the world and why Emily should like him. Not only does it earn him the first impression rose, but women all across America simultaneously swooned.
14. Best Advice: When James learns that his sex tape with Chloe is about to leak on Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, he decides to consult his advisor who can "see the big picture." It turns out to be June's mom, who tells him to go with it. "Isn't this gonna hurt me on Dancing with the Stars?" he asks. "Hurt you?" she scoffs. "Every woman in America is gonna watch you dance and think about where your hips have been and vote for you." True — and is there a better person to have as your advisor than a Midwestern mom when you're trying to appeal to the Dancing audience? Alas, James gets upstaged when a sex tape of Prince Harry leaks.
13. Most Engaging Cliff-hanger: Sure, Amelia giving birth to a brainless baby is disheartening to watch, but Private Practice makes up for it by having Sam finally come to his senses and propose to Addison. But don't start planning for a beachside ceremony just yet — it's ambiguous whether that smile on Addison's face during therapy means she said yes or no. Curse you, hiatus! But thank you, ABC, for renewing the series!
12. Sexiest Victory Lap: The New Directions seniors finally win Nationals on Glee, but it's glee club director Mr. Schue who really enjoys the sweet taste of success. Not only does he get to walk through the halls of McKinley with the giant trophy in his hands, but when he goes into his fiancée Emma's office, he finds one of her signature pamphlets — this one with a very special message: "When it's finally time to have intercourse." Cue Mr. Schue walking in the door to find Emma in lingerie. If only Emma had told Will last year just how much national show choir trophies turn her on, maybe they could have been focused enough to actually win then too. Think, Emma, think!
11. Most Heart-Stopping Finale: How shocking is NCIS' Season 9 finale, which features NCIS headquarters being bombed by terrorist Harper Dearing? So much so that when medical examiner Ducky, who left headquarters to attend Jimmy's wedding, hears the news, he collapses from an apparent heart attack. Is Ducky a goner? (We'll take this piece of news as a positive sign.)
10. Best Parting Shot, Part I: With just two episodes left to air on ABC before moving on to TBS, Cougar Town gets in one last ultra-meta-dig. When talking about why there are no pictures of the group from Thanksgiving, Laurie explains that "our schedules got all mixed up. We all went away and none of us really knew when we were coming back." However, when Laurie says they can just wait until next fall to have a do-over, Jules insists on hosting a fakes-giving in the spring. "What if we're not around next fall? What if a new group comes in and replaces us? Everybody's going to be like, 'What happened to the Cul-de-Sac Crew? I miss them. Who are these new people? They're not so good.'" Take that, Work It.
9. Best Non-Goodbye: Eight months after being resurrected from the "dead," Prentiss has second thoughts about settling down in D.C. again on Criminal Minds — reservations that are amplified when her former Interpol colleague Easter (guest star Sebastian Roché) asks her to head up Interpol's London office. Although she doesn't officially bid adieu to the BAU in the end — she wistfully dances with everyone at JJ and Will's wedding — we know that this will be the last we'll see of Emily Prentiss, for a while at least. But we'll take a low-key non-sendoff over a faked death exit any day. Farewell, Prentiss! Come visit soon!
8. Best Rejection: After having to endure Blair and Dan's odd coupling for half a season, Gossip Girl fans finally got redemption when Blair finally admitted what most viewers have known for years: She's in love with Chuck Bass. However, when she goes to Chuck to break the good news, he in turn breaks her heart and says that he doesn't want to be with her. He had lost his company, one of the few things he cared about, because he was busy putting Blair first and now he would much rather get Bass Industries back than simply accept defeat and help Blair run her mother's empire. "I don't want to be Mr. Blair Waldorf. I'm Chuck Bass." Sorry, B! XOXO
7. Best Mommy Issues: On the season finale of Hawaii Five-0, Terry O'Quinn's Joe White returns to clear up this whole Shelburne mystery. Joe insists that Shelburne is real and invites McGarrett to join him on a trip to Japan to finally lay eyes on the mysterious person. As McGarrett approaches Shelburne's house, Joe disappears into thin air just before McGarrett is greeted by the person on the other side of the door. "Mom?" he says in amazement. Surprise!
6. Saddest Jail (Heart)-Break: On House's penultimate hour, one of House's silly pranks finally comes back to bite him in a big way. After House flushes season tickets given to him by Foreman down the toilet, he screws up the plumbing and causes a huge flood in the MRI room. Funny, right? Not so much when a parole officer turns up at the hospital to inform House that his little stunt is technically felony vandalism and violates his parole. It looks like House is headed back to the Big House for six months. But — gulp! — Wilson only has five months to live. We're going to need a lot of Kleenex.
5. Most Spellbinding Kiss: True love finally prevails on the Once Upon a Time finale when a sweet kiss lifts the Evil Queen's curse. No, it isn't the smooch between Prince Charming and Snow White — though their reunion is plenty tear-jerking —but the endearing kiss Emma plants on Henry's forehead, bringing him back to life and the fairy tale characters back to consciousness. Can't wait for the family reunion!
4. Worst Road Trip: After successfully weathering Booth and Brennan's first year as a couple (and new parents), Bones ends its seventh season by splitting the duo up. When Pelant frames Brennan for the murder of one of her friends, Brennan's dad wisely suggests that she go on the lam. Although the theory make sense (if she were to be arrested, hacker extraordinaire Pelant could further destroy Brennan's chances to clear her name), we were still shocked to see Brennan grab baby Christine and head out to places unknown.
3. Most Expected Unveiling: We still don't know who Mrs. Mosby is on How I Met Your Mother, but we finally meet Barney's wife! On the comedy's Season 7 finale, Barney proposes to Quinn with an elaborate magic trick while detained by airport security, but the former stripper is not the one swapping vows with The Barnacle "a little ways down the road." In a flash-forward to Barney's wedding — where Ted will meet the mother — we learn that Mrs. Stinson is — wait for it — Robin, of course. How will Barney and Quinn break up? And how will Barney and Robin get back together? Hopefully that won't take seven-plus years to tell.
2. Most Appropriately Haunting Ending: As the first of the Fairview Four to leave the Lane, Susan takes one last loop around the block on the Desperate Housewives series finale. The drive reveals the ghosts of the many characters who lost their lives throughout the series run — Mike, Mrs. Hubbard, Rex and Mary Alice, to name a few — all dressed in white as they gaze over Susan and her family. Then, as Susan drives away, we see the young woman who has moved into her longtime house hide a mysterious box in the basement — alluding to another Mary Alice-esque mystery in the making. A fitting ending for a show, and a Lane, that was a lot of things, but never, ever boring.
1. Most Shocking Death: We knew it was coming, but it doesn't make the much-touted finale death any easier. After the Grey's Anatomy docs went down in a Lost-style plane crash, poor Lexie Grey becomes this season's big casualty after she succumbs to her extensive injuries — caused when a section of the plane crushed the lower half of her body. As she takes her final breaths, on-again, off-again love Mark is there to hold her hand and lay out a beautiful but impossible future in which they get married and have kids. Salt, meet wound. What were your top moments?
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