Ashley Madison and the Future of Men

Read below for an excerpt from Jack Myers' new book, The Future of Men: Masculinity in the Twenty-First Century, ​which breaks down the issue. The Future of Men is available for preorder at www.TheFutureOfMen.com. Jack Myers is available to speak and comment on men's issues and can be contacted at jm@jackmyers.com.​

Men need to understand that Ashley Madison, Match, and AdultFriendFinder profiles, Craigslist ads, visits to stripper bars, affairs, and assignations with sex workers (memorably, those of ex-New York State Governor Eliot Spitzer) can no longer be assumed to be confidential, no matter how they attempt to hide affairs. Men—and society—are moving through a painful period of exposure; all our deepest and darkest secrets – all the lies we may have been hiding for years – are pouring from cyberspace into our living rooms, our bedrooms, and the computers of our wives, our girlfriends, and journalists.

Dating sites have rekindled the hope for finding a “soul mate” just when the notion was, arguably, beginning to die out. At the same time, hook-up sites and apps like Tinder, Ashley Madison, and AdultFriendFinder have made it as easy for those already in a relationship to destroy it – or at least find alternatives to it – as it is for singles to find a new partner online. It is simpler than ever for everyone—and men especially—to seek illicit affairs, explore an online fantasy world of pornography and prurient enticements, and rekindle dormant sexual addictions.

How many men out there believe they are acting in all the right ways—accepting total equality for women and rejecting misogyny and sexual misbehavior—but are still engaging in stupid, chest-puffing male behavior without accountability? Oblivious to the dangerous and destructive implications of their actions, some men believe that they won’t be “outed” or that they will be able to lie their way out of anything if they are caught.  With the Internet creating an openness that society has never before confronted, men everywhere have to become more aware of the likelihood that their actions will be exposed—and will bring on inevitable repercussions.

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