"Big Brother 9" Ignores the Obvious ... Again

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The Big Brother that CBS is currently broadcasting three nights a week (Sunday-Tuesday-Wednesday) exists in a far different reality than the Big Brother that viewers can see on live late-night Showtime and subscription-only Internet feeds and daily YouTube clips.

 

The primetime version on CBS is just another season of the show, mostly footage of whispered conversations about “strategy” among the “houseguests,” interrupted by loud arguments and dopey competitions. The late-night cable and Internet feeds, and the YouTube Big Brother clips, however, have featured expletive-spewing fights, all-the-way group stripteases(visuals NSFW) and raunchy lap dances. There have been nude romps in the Jacuzzi and pool, sex acts only vaguely camouflaged by bed sheets (the audible slurps and groans made it clear who was doing what to whom), plus a scary seizure by a contestant who had to be rushed to the hospital. All of this was caught on the Big Brother house’s cameras. Little if any of it made to air on CBS.

 

Big Brother 9: ’Til Death Do You Part, as it’s called this time, has assembled its wildest, strangest, and in many ways most loathsome group of houseguests yet. These players some might call party animals and others might consider foulmouthed, morally challenged pigs. They’re doing things no other BB players have done before, nott even during the Dr. Will and Mike Boogie season (which some fans consider the apex of the show).

 

This year the players have been paired into “soul mates” by producers. The couples, strangers before being cast, have to sleep in the same beds and must keep playing as a unit. They are voted out two-by-two. Four have been ousted so far in a season that has no set end date.

 

The pair-ups started out as an interesting gimmick, a new twist on a gone-stale unscripted fare. But given the personalities of some of these people, it has quickly become a sleazy trick played on houseguests and viewers (and possibly the FCC, if they’re paying attention).

 

The houseguests themselves don’t seem to mind acting the fools. The men use the F-word as a noun, verb and adjective. The women consider G-strings outerwear. They give up sexual favors—on camera, mind you—without a second thought.

 

Here’s a quick look at some of the players and what they’ve done so far on Big Brother 9:

 

Amanda, 23, was the target of a string of expletives (F-word combined with C-word at top volume) in a backyard fight (in bikinis!) with housemate Chelsia, who screamed that she wished Amanda would “hang yourself like your dad” (the backstory on this is too, too complicated). In another verbal brawl posted on YouTube, housemate Josh yelled vile insults at Amanda for more than 10 minutes.

 

Last Friday, beleaguered Amanda complained on-camera that her hypoglycemia was kicking in and she needed food. She’s part of the group consigned to eating “slop” for a week after losing a competition. Ignored by those behind the scenes, Amanda fell to the floor in a dead faint, went into convulsions and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. All of this was viewed on live feeds.

Allison, 28, is described on her CBS bio as an “accomplished painter.” She’s certainly painting herself in broad strokes as a troubled soul. She also was hospitalized last Friday after suffering a reaction to peanuts (possibly part of that slop recipe). Allison curses like a stevedore and spends most of her time in the house spreading vicious gossip about the other players.

 

Chelsia, 21, is currently a student at the University of Northern Iowa. They must be proud. She’s been on the attack against Amanda since the first day and never hesitates to hurl insults. She was part of an energetic “pool orgy” that erupted over the weekend after producers plied the players with margaritas. Clips of the party showed up on YouTube briefly but were pulled for violating terms of service. X-rated? Pretty close.

Natalie, 28, works as a “bikini barista” in Salem, Oregon. Within 24 hours of meeting her “soul mate” on the show, Matt, she was servicing him under the sheets. She’s continued to pleasure him, despite his vile behavior. He seems to hate her. But when the lights are out and night-vision cameras are whirring, she’s down and dirty on him again. Her bio says Natalie is “religious and takes her Bible everywhere.” She might want to reread certain sections of Genesis and Leviticus.

Sheila, 45, is a former Penthouse Pet who spent 10 years living with Bob Guccione. She can be seen nude (and 20 years younger) in Web-posted pix. She’s had vicious on-camera fights (again with the F-words) with her onscreen partner Adam and with housemate Allison. Back home, her 16-year-old son must be suffering permanent cringe.

Alex, 24, is a Staten Island native whose father died on 9/11 in the World Trade Center. Though his CBS bio claims he “has dedicated his life to making his dad proud,” he’s been living up to that by making an absolute ass of himself on BB9. He’s crude, ill-mannered and thoroughly unlikable, treating the women in the house with the sensitivity of a coked-up strip club patron.

Ryan, 27, is an Ohio State student who is a good candidate for anger management. He’s all over YouTube for a racist rant when the houseguests started discussing interracial romance.

 

James, 21, claims to be biking around the globe. Apparently he stopped pedaling long enough to peddle himself in gay porn. Graphic clips of him naked and getting busy with other men popped up on the Web right after this season’s premiere of BB9. So far he hasn’t mentioned his film experience to the other houseguests. But he has dropped trou enough to impress them with his…talent.

Matt, 23, is a former Fear Factor loser. He has no fear of cameras. See above for his after-hours action with Natalie.

Adam, 29, is a “PR manager” whose public relations skills were lacking last week when he told Sheila what he’d do with the half-million dollars if he wins BB9. He said he’d open a hair salon for people with developmental disabilities “so them retards can get it together and get their hair done.” CBS issued a public apology after that. Lowe’s pulled its advertising from the show.

How long will CBS keep this swill running? On House Calls, the onlineBB9chat seen weekdays at 1 p.m. ET, casting director Robyn Kass wouldn’t say how long the season will be. “I think it’s good that the viewers are being kept guessing,” she said.

 

She also said the summer season of Big Brother is already in the works. Casting begins this week.

 

The catchphrase of Big Brother has always been “Expect the unexpected.” If they pick another herd of houseguests like this one, they should add “and expect the worst.”