Our top moments of the week:
14. Worst Homage: Susan struggles in her "super-edgy" community college art class on Desperate Housewives when the instructor asks the students to paint a nude model. When Susan's teacher points out her discomfort, Susan goes a little a lot overboard to compensate for her nerves — and comes to class naked when she misinterprets something her teacher says. The scene would be funnier if it wasn't almost an exact retread of her accidental nude streak in Season 1.
13. Can't Have It Both Ways Award: Top Chef: Just Desserts' Sally chooses showpiece master Orlando to make her showpiece for the finale — based on her design, of course. At Judges' Table, Johnny Iuzzini lays into her for relying so heavily on Orlando for the towering creation and she ends up losing the title to Chris. Should Sally have had more of a hand in her showpiece? Probably. But you also gave her a sous chef and isn't part of being a chef delegating jobs to their cooks? If the point was for her to make it herself, don't give her help!
12. Nicest Favor: Completely broke twins Liz and Marie opt to walk instead of begging for money in Bangkok on The Amazing Race. After four hours, they finally ask cabbies for free rides. Not one, but two cabbies acquiesce, but it is too late to prevent their inevitable elimination. Still, between this and Twitter coming to the rescue on Leg 1, it's clear that Blanche DuBois isn't the only one who depends on the kindness of strangers.
11. Best (Accidental) Fight Club: Dressed up as UFC fighter Chuck Liddell, Parks and Recreation's Andy tries to force Ben to tell him what's wrong by fighting him the way he used to beat up his brothers to resolve conflict. He keeps a tight headlock around Ben for most of the evening -- that is, until Ben loses his cool andbreaks Andy's nose with his elbow. At least it, like, totally authenticates his Liddell costume?
10. Best Reunion: Suddenly, some of The Vampire Diaries fallen victims, including Grams, Lexi and a somewhat vengeful Mason Lockwood, are back at Mystic Falls. Lexi brought Stefan to "ripper detox," Mason helped Damon to discover a key to killing Klaus, Grams helped Bonnie to close the door to the other side and some angry former vamps killed one of the heads of the founding families. Where are the ghost busters when you need 'em?
9. Worst Dare: After her drunken adventures in Seaside Heights, Miami and Florence, I bet Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi thought she had seen it all, but the Jersey Shorestar gets a shocking wake-up call on Live with Regis and Kelly. Snooki gives Regis a zebra-striped tie, but tells Reege that since guidos don't usually wear ties, he should wear it without a shirt. Regis takes her dare and bares his 80-year-old chest. Reege, you may not be afraid of her, but it seems safe to say that she's now afraid of you.
8. Oddest Scare Tactic: Robert California, The Office's new CEO, has been a hard nut to crack since Day 1, and he takes that to the next level on Halloween when he tells a completely off-the-wall scary story that incorporates everyone's fears -- from snakes to mummies to dying alone. Dressed as Jack Nicholson, he concludes the story with an abrupt, "I'm fine, b----," puts on his shades and walks away, later saying he doesn't want people to be driven by their fears, which now include the unpredictable Robert California.
7. Saddest Death: Sons of Anarchy's Clay has never shied away from getting his hands dirty, but he's hit a new low. With the club under fire from a rival drug cartel, Piney gives Clay an ultimatum: Get SAMCRO out of the Galindo Cartel's cocaine operation or Piney will reveal the letters that prove Clay was involved in John Teller's death. That leaves Clay with only one terrible (if predictable) choice: He shoots and kills Piney in his cabin in the woods. At least Piney didn't have to eat Chucky's "head in a duffle bag" chili!
6. So We Meet Again Award: With her surveillance on Brody cut, Homeland's Carrie takes matters into her own hands and decides to make contact with him. Cue a meet-cute at his veterans' support group that starts with Brody recognizing Carrie from his debriefing and ends with her walking away in the rain after flirting with him. "Don't leave me like this!" Brody yells. "All alone in the rain!" Carrie may not be able to watch Brody 24/7 anymore, but this ought to be the start of a very interesting and precarious relationship.
5. Weirdest Bump in the Night: Tyler was already giving us the creeps on Revenge, but Daniel's supposed BFF goes from weird to really messed up in about 60 seconds flat. After he roofies Daniel's drink, Tyler does the "honorable" thing and helps put him to bed while trying to argue that Emily isn't the one. Daniel shrugs him off violently and Tyler leaves to let his friend sleep — but not without first butting his head into a hard pole outside and making himself bleed (to make it look like Daniel hit him, natch). What are friends for?
4. Funniest Costume: After Penny's never-before-seen beau Adam dumps her on Happy Endings, Max becomes her "wing baby" in what is arguably the greatest couple's costume ever: a new mom and an infant in a Baby Bjorn. As if the sight gag isn't awesome enough (baby hands = comedy gold), complications arise when they each meet a guy at the party -- Rick as Abe Lincoln for her; A.J. as ZZ Top Gun for him. They eventually split up: Penny wears the mother's dress and Max wears the bathing suit she had on underneath. It's not all bad news though: In his new get-up, Max wins the drag queen contest!
3. Dumbest Self-Sacrifice: When Survivor: South Pacific's Savaii tribe is forced to vote off a member, Ozzy volunteers himself, under the major what-if? assumption that he'll beat Christine on Redemption Island, the tribes will merge and he'll return to the game. Jeff Probst tells the tribe, "You just made one of the biggest moves in the history of this game." Biggest? Perhaps. Smartest? Not in the slightest.
2. Best Interview: As a rebooted Beavis and Butt-Head returns to MTV in Jersey Shore's old time slot, the pair of chuckleheads appear on – and harass the host of -- Jimmy Kimmel Live! (Sample exchange: "This is a whole other show." "You said 'a-hole.'"). They even take over his interview with Snooki (Sample question: "Are you DTF?"). The Orange One, however, is not amused. "You're not even a guido, you're not a juicehead and you're not a gorilla. Like, seriously, you have no abs and you're not tan. So get freakin' real!" Snooki says before punching Butt-Head. It's all right, guys. You already do Snooki this season. Heh-heh -- do.
1. Best Feud: Never one to mince words, Dancing with the Stars' notoriously hot-headed pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy rails at Len Goodman after the notoriously cranky judge says his and Hope Solo's rumba was their worst dance of the season. "I've been in this business for nearly 50 years —" Len says. "Maybe it's time to get out," the pro snaps back. He then declares in the celeb-quarium, "With all due respect, this is my show. I help make it what it is. I'm a little tired that [some are being judged] on effort and some are being picked on for heel leads." Uh, say what? OK, you have a point with the latter, but since when is this your show? When you joined in the second season? One thing's for sure though: The show would not be the same without Maks.
What were your top moments?
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