Hillary Atkin Rates the Networks’ Upfront Events and Parties

It is the rare person who isn't afflicted with a hangover after attending the annual series of presentations and parties that comprise the main week of television Upfronts.

If the hangover isn't from adult beverages, then it is due to all the hype the networks dispense about their upcoming programming, around which they sell roughly $10 billion of Upfront advertising.

Since several of my colleagues have already weighed in on the programming aspects of each network, we will focus more on the presentations and real-life social networking elements experienced during the May 13-16 whirlwind schedule of events throughout New York City.

Based upon those elements – with a dollop of buzziness about upcoming shows thrown in – the ratings are as follows:
5 Jacks — Excellent
4 Jacks — Very Good
3 Jacks — Good
2 Jacks — Fair
1 Jack — Poor

NBC: Monday morning, Radio City Music Hall

2 Jacks

The hangover-type headache began with the blaring sounds of the otherwise well-loved band, The Roots, jamming just way too loudly for that hour of the morning – making it nearly impossible to speak without yelling to the person seated next to you.

Not only was this the second year in a row that the boozy mass lunch that traditionally followed was canned. Long gone as well were the festive Peacock-branded name tags on lanyards.

Traditionally, NBC has brought out its talent to perform during what is usually a two-hour long presentation. Recent years featured musical appearances by the “Smash” cast and coaches of “The Voice,” not to mention comedy talent like Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler.

This year, the presentation by Bob Greenblatt and Jennifer Salke still ran close to two hours, but the talent quotient was as nonexistent as the ratings for “Ready for Love.”

Sure, Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon did a fun taped piece about the big "Tonight Show" transition, set to the music of "One More Day" from "Les Misérables," but the New York-based Fallon missed a huge promotional/goodwill opportunity by not making an in-person appearance. It was an omission that was remarked upon all week. Meanwhile, as the news sunk in that Seth Meyers would get Fallon’s old slot at 12:30, the SNL Weekend Update host was simply introduced from his seat in the hall, without being given an opportunity to dispense some of his comedic charm. A bit from Bill Hader’s Stefon would have also been memorable.

High points: “The Blacklist,” with James Spader, (possibly) ”Ironside” with Blair Underwood and the new Michael J. Fox show, creatively entitled “The Michael J. Fox Show.”

FOX: Monday afternoon, Beacon Theater; After-party at Central Park's Wollman Rink

4.5 Jacks

Dispensing with the usual linear/chronological unveiling of the schedule, Kevin Reilly broke it down by genre: comedy, drama, and reality, while stressing that the network was aiming for “year-round” programming. We laughed several times during the teaser trailer for "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," the new Andy Samberg vehicle set for 8:30 on Tuesday nights.

It was particularly exciting to hear about "24: Live Another Day,” a 12-hour reprise of Jack Bauer's escapades defusing terrorist plots, but difficult to ascertain if each hour would represent two hours or if the season will amount to half a day. Either way, we’re all in on this one, even as we will need to wait for next May. Other highlights of the upcoming programming schedule, a Seth MacFarlane-produced “Cosmos” with astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, and a J.J. Abrams sci-fi/cop vehicle, “Almost Human.”

Following in NBC’s footsteps, there were no musical performances. That was left until later at the vaunted Wollman Rink bash.

Depending on the weather, and this night’s was cool and breezy, the Fox party feels like a spring fling in the park. But this year featured some big changes: the room was broken in half and did not feature the translucent tenting of parties past, but a dark ceiling, giving the space a more closed-in, darker, clubby feel. The food was of lesser quality, although still in prodigious amounts. Guests complained of sushi and desserts—which looked amazing—being dry. But the biggest change was the absence of the cover band, which used to play the 1977 Commodores hit “Brick House” numerous times throughout the night—a concept that we never really got. Instead, Kevin Bacon and his Bacon Brothers Band entertained for a tight, hour-long set. Yes, we were, um, “Following” all of KB’s moves and grooves, which included a stint on bongos.

Univision: Tuesday morning, New Amsterdam Theater; Lunch at Espace

3.5 Jacks

The leading Hispanic network’s presentation by Cesar Conde was, as always, brisk, professional and entertaining, presented to a packed house eager to tap into the purchasing power of U.S. Latinos. The slogan, “One for All,” is meant to denote reaching all of them across all platforms, of which Univision boasts 12.

Thirty new shows, including telenovelas, comedies, reality, news and sports were announced. But the biggest buzz was word of Univision’s investment in director Robert Rodriguez’ new English-language El Rey cable network, and particularly a new scripted series based upon his film “From Dusk Til Dawn” amongst its offerings geared towards young adults.

Past years have featured performances by the likes of Ricky Martin, Shakira and Pitbull. This year, it was Enrique Iglesias’ turn to wow the crowd, much to the delight of women in the front rows who got some up close and personal access to the heartthrob performer.

Previous after-events have been held at the elegant Cipriani and the Edison Ballroom, but this year, guests were bussed to Espace, which quickly became over capacity. Yes, Mospace, not Lesspace was necessary to comfortably accommodate the attendees. Lunch was passed hors d'oeuvres like grilled shrimp on long skewers—dangerous in a crowd. The central bar was mobbed and the VIP area was overflowing with other guests crowded below, trying to get photos of various luminaries, including Rodriguez.

Telemundo: Tuesday evening, Jazz at Lincoln Center (Program note: Jazz is actually at Time Warner Center at Columbus Circle)

4 Jacks

The number two Hispanic network also packed the house for its evening presentation, and due to our Angeleno confusion about the LincolnCenter appendage to the name of the venue-- and some incorrect information upon earlier inquiry, which resulted in needless travel to 66th St., we were late and could not get into the theater. There were large monitors set up in the lobby for those in the same boat to watch, yet the bar was closed lest anyone take advantage of the opportunity to drink up. This situation became particularly rueful when Marc Anthony took to the stage for a blistering five-song performance to cap off the presentation, which had also featured a young contestant from the Spanish language kids edition of "The Voice," already a huge hit for Telemundo. There were also some jokes made about the rival’s “One for All” slogan, and the competition between the two was keenly felt throughout.

The after-party spilled into the adjacent room, which had a killer view of Central Park South and quickly became packed to the rafters. Food appeared to be in short supply, until we made our way back out to the lobby area where it was plentiful. The gift bag, ring-ring: a certificate for a Samsung Galaxy phone.

Fox Hispanic Media: Wednesday afternoon, Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center (the “real” Lincoln Center)

3.5 Jacks

The midway point of Upfronts was when exhaustion truly set in, to be revived only by the energy of the presentation, which, as with all things Fox, featured eye-popping graphics and loud music. (If we heard Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’s “Can’t Hold Us” one more time, it would be one time too many -- but it definitely appeared to be the soundtrack for the entire week.)

The young—just over a year-old--MundoFox appears to be on a roll with new programming, including a show produced by Mario Lopez and Oscar De La Hoya called "Los Golden Boys,” as well as 10 new RCN original productions and two series produced in Mexico. MundoFox will also be airing the FX series “The Bridge” starring Oscar-nominated actor Demián Bichir and Diane Kruger later this summer with Spanish subtitles. Also annnounced, the rebranding of Utilísima as Fox Life later this year. FHM’s president, Hernán Lopez, continued his hosting duties at the after-luncheon featuring, naturally, a Latin-inspired menu (we had more than our fill of guacamole, salsa and grilled shrimp) and a festive atmosphere in the sunlight-filled lobby of the theater.

CBS: Wednesday afternoon, Carnegie Hall; After-party at Lincoln Center

5 Jacks

You know what they say about what it takes to get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice. And CBS has had much in recent years as the top-rated broadcast network. As always, it was a top-rate presentation, the best of the broadcasters. While lacking a centerpiece live performance like last year’s inspiring musical duet between LL Cool J and an opera singer, it was Jo Ann Ross who nearly stole the show. The head of sales for the Eye appeared in a full-length gown, similar to the one worn by Carrie Underwood at this year’s Grammys, upon which designs and images were projected with messages urging buyers to purchase CBS airtime.

Flashy in their own way, Les Moonves and Nina Tassler each reflected the success of the network—so much so that there was only room for a few new shows on the schedule. One that looks exceptionally promising: the return of Robin Williams to series television in “The Crazy Ones.” The vaunted comedian came out on stage with a mini version of one of his trademark routines, as did a smiling and sincerely happy David Letterman, marking his 20^th year on CBS with “The Late Show.”

In keeping with its tradition, the after-party was held under a tent at Lincoln Center, and in contrast with some of its broadcasting brethren, CBS seems to have upped its game in the food and beverage department. If you're a fan of sliced filet mignon, roasted baby new potatoes and grilled asparagus-- as we are – you would be quite happy here. And if you managed to grab a picture with Robin Williams, so much the better. Many of the shows were set up with talent for photo ops, including “HIMYM,” “NCIS: Los Angeles,” “Hostages,” “We Are Men” and “The Millers.” In addition, there was a fun “Under the Dome” photo booth where you could tweet, Instagram or Facebook pics right away. For lovers of sweet treats, an amazing dessert table, branded for “The American Baking Competition” featuring an indescribably delicious chocolate peanut butter bacon pie. You haven't truly lived until you've tasted it.

Adult Swim: Wednesday late night, Roseland Ballroom

2 Jacks

Although this is termed an Upfront, it’s really just a party at a crowded nightclub with sticky floors. This year’s attraction was Kanye West, who took the stage at 10:40 p.m. but performed his entire set behind a pyramid screen with a smoke machine. You could hear a backing band, but could not see any of them, and barely him. The white-clad West came out looking like a ghostly apparition. It was a big disconnect with the audience, judging by the amount of talking during the show and the long lines at the bathroom when we finally bailed out before the performance was over. Inside the ladies room, there was talk that it was really an imposter. A frustrating experience, and not mitigated by the prodigious amount of pot smoking spotted and smelled throughout the crowd. Outside, pedi-cabs awaited to transport guests to the next destination, the cool wind blessedly blowing some of the smoke away from our personages.

TruTV: “HangAfter-Party,” Wednesday late night, Providence

4 Jacks

After the grunginess of the Roseland, it was a pleasure to enter this Hell’s Kitchen nightclub and be almost immediately popped onto the middle of the dance floor, which would see much more action as the night wore on—likely long after we had finally called it a night. The network bought out the entire venue, which meant there was ample room in the VIP areas upstairs to hang out on comfy banquettes or at tables, enjoy the food and drink, and just generally sit back for a moment and savor what was the welcome capper to an action-packed day. Kudos to the party planners for getting this one right, including the gift bag—a zipped travel kit containing toothbrush and toothpaste, Advil, Alka-Seltzer, chewing gum and a sleep mask.

CW: Thursday morning, NY City Center

3 Jacks

It's a tribute to the youthful allure of the CW and its scant 10 hours of weekly programming that so many participants showed up, bright and chipper, after the previous very late night. Several attendees were heard remarking about their disappointment in the Kanye West show – one particularly vocal person saying he left after two songs and was happy to have grabbed an Adult Swim T-shirt on the way out for his troubles. There was even more rumor and innuendo that the performer was in fact a West imposter.

But back to the CW: the network gets the award for the tightest presentation, clocking in at little more than 45 minutes. Shepherded by Mark Pedowitz, the show got off to an energetic start with a rousing performance of "I Love It" by Swedish electro-house/punk duo Icona Pop.

We did kind of love the looks of “Reign,” an ambitious period piece set in the Mary Queen of Scots era with “Gossip Girl” overtones. Fans of “The Vampire Diaries” should enjoy its spinoff, “The Originals,” set in New Orleans and looking vampy-delicious in The Big Easy.

There appeared to be a small luncheon across the street featuring talent, including Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder, but we were not in attendance, lunching instead at the nearby Dean and Deluca, which really needs to set up shop in LA.

USA Network: Pier 36; After-party at Beauty & Essex

5 Jacks

This Upfront turned out to be a case of saving the best for last, although you couldn't necessarily determine that from the fairly pro forma presentation, which was energetically led by the well-liked Linda Yaccarino and the cast of “Suits.” USA opted for the waterfront venue – a big change and a far cry and distance from last year's location at Lincoln Center. While it had some attendees grouching about the shlep, it apparently wasn't too much to prevent the entire cast of “Modern Family” and creator Steve Levitan from making the trek. (Of course, they’d been in town for ABC’s Upfront on Tuesday, to which we were not welcomed.) The news about “MF” on USA was accompanied by a funny montage reel with much profanity and allusion to oral sex that would never appear on the first-run version. And don't worry, those elements won't really mar the family-friendly cable edition – but the fantasy reel was a mini laugh riot.

The after-party in an adjacent space featured bars, buffets and a spirited performance by the band Passion Pit.

But what really made this a great Upfront finale was walking outside the venue to a full-on view of the Manhattan Bridge and the Brooklyn Bridge. Who cared if most of the attendees were crowded into the not very roomy outside area? Several hours later, after the sun made its exit, fireworks erupted from a USA-branded barge on the river set to the musical accompaniment of Frank Sinatra and Jay-Z’s musical love letters to New York, creating a true EmpireState of mind that was inspiring to even the most jaded.

But wait, it wasn't quite over. Some of those still standing made it to the after-after-party at what first appeared to be a pawn shop on the Lower East Side. Called Beauty & Essex, it was actually an elegant, very happening bar/restaurant/nightclub, and the entire second floor was reserved for the party-heartier “Upfronters.” Menu items included ahi tuna tacos, lobster tacos and turkey meatballs, all of which had guests wowed by their deliciousness. After a week of being sated in every sense of the word, that was high praise indeed.

Hillary Atkin is the editor and publisher of The Atkin Report, www.atkinreport.com and has written extensively on media and entertainment for USA Today, the Los Angeles Times, Daily and Weekly Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, TelevisionWeek, Entertainment Weekly, The New York Observer and LA Confidential. She is an award-winning journalist who began her career as a television news writer, reporter and producer. As a broadcast producer at KCBS in Los Angeles, she won numerous Emmy, Associated Press and Golden Mike Awards for live coverage and entertainment special events programming, and then produced and directed biographies on Robert Duvall, Elizabeth Montgomery, Linda Darnell and Nicolas Cage for A&E and E!. She can be reached at hillaryatkin@yahoo.com.

Read all Hillary's MediaBizBloggers commentaries at Hillary Atkin.

Check us out on Facebook at MediaBizBloggers.com
Follow our Twitter updates @MediaBizBlogger

The opinions and points of view expressed in this commentary are exclusively the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of MediaBizBloggers.com management or associated bloggers. MediaBizBloggers is an open thought leadership platform and readers may share their comments and opinions in response to all commentaries.