Our top moments of the week:
11. Spell It Out for Us Award: On Celebrity Apprentice, the teams have to create a show for restaurant chain Medieval Times, so project manager Lisa Lampanelli taps Victoria Gotti as creative director and asks her to research medieval language. Gotti fires up Google and types in... "mid-evil." "The freakin' stationery of Medieval Times is sitting right there and you can't freakin' copy it?!" a flabbergasted Lampanelli says in her confessional. Hey, Victoria, can you spell "fired"? Because that's what you are.
10. Best Teamwork: On the final night of The Voice's blind auditions, Christina Aguilera is the last coach to fill her team and she holds out until she hears just the right voice. Sera Hill's rendition of Mary J. Blige's "I'm Going Down" not only gets Aguilera to push her button, it even inspires her to take the stage and duet with Hill on the chorus of the song with the full band behind them. Favoritism much?
9. Second-Best Mocking: Did Jennifer Lopez have a wardrobe malfunction at the Oscars or didn't she? If you ask Steven Tyler, she did. During yet another round of tiresome banter among American Idol's judges, Tyler abruptly sneezes and pulls open his shirt to reveal his left nipple. "Who am I?" he asks. "I don't even know what to say to that!" a stunned J. Lo replies. "That was an Oscar re-enactment," Ryan Seacrest announces for anyone living under a rock. Lopez gets the last word: "There was no nipple!" Nice send-up, Steven, but at least we're sure we saw Angie's bare leg.
8. Best New Start: Leave it to nice-guy Ted to be so literal about "moving on." With Robin shacking up with Marshall and Lily on How I Met Your Mother, Ted tries to figure out what to do with Robin's old room. He's at a loss when a meat-smoking room and a woodworking studio don't pan out, but he knows exactly what to do after Robin tells him how unhappy Marshall and Lily are on Long Island. He texts them to come over, and when they arrive, they find an empty apartment and Robin's old room painted blue with a crib and a note: "The apartment is now yours," Ted writes. "I need a change and I think you do too. This apartment needs some new life. So please, make our old home your new home." Now where is Ted off to? His house in Westchester? Barney's? Patrice's?
7. Most Surprising Departure: With Peter about to testify on Neal's behalf on White Collar, Peter learns that his old mentor at the FBI plans to throw enough charges at Neal to keep him in a police anklet for the rest of his life. Peter chooses Neal over the FBI and gestures for Neal to run away. Cut to a few moments later, where Neal — sans anklet — sits on a flight next to longtime partner-in-crime Mozzie, glancing out the window at the life, and the bond with Peter, that he may never be able to have again. Don't forget to write!
6. Sweet Dreams Are Made of These Award: After Dave gets his mobile liquor license on Happy Endings and turns his food truck into a hipster-esque speakeasy, his turpentine-infused Whore's Bath cocktail causes his pals to have sex dreams about him (brilliantly scored by Gerry Rafferty's "Baker Street") — everyone, that is, except for Alex, who hasn't sampled Dave's wares, literally or subconscious. She's on a cleanse, you see, but after it ends, she orders up her ex-fiancé's signature drink and has her own erotic fantasy. "Thank God, it was just a dream," she says, as she bolts upright in bed, before seeing a snoozing Dave lying next to her. "Oh, boy." So are we heading into Ross-and-Rachel territory with these two? And what exactly is the recipe for a Whore's Bath? (Our friend wants to know.)
5. Most Intrepid Reporter: Zac Efron stops by Today to promote his movie The Lorax, but don't think Matt Lauer will let the whole interview go without bringing up the actor's embarrassing red carpet mishap. At the film's premiere Sunday, Efron accidentally dropped a condom. "I never really had a pocket-checking policy prior to going onto the red carpet before, but now we've fully instated one," a sheepish Efron tells Lauer. When the Today co-host presses him to be more specific about what happened, he stumbles over the word condom. "That was really hard for you to say!" Efron teases. "It's better to be safe than sorry," Lauer replies. Yes, it is, Matt, but it's not better to fail to ask the all-important follow-up: With whom was he going to use the condom? Journalistic fail.
4. Best Regression Therapy: After Crosby learns that Adam met with a potential buyer for the Luncheonette without him on Parenthood, he replaces Adam as his best man and yells at him in front of their parents, siblings and Adam's own children. "Billy's an idiot, just like you, so it should work out perfectly," Adam yells about his replacement before his inner 10-year-old pleads, "Mom, I didn't do anything! It's all him!" Adam jostles Crosby's beer as he storms out, and Crosby retaliates by emptying it on Adam's back. As the two hit the floor in a full-on grapple, Adam breaks away and grabs a giant bowl of salsa, which he dumps over his brother's head as the rest of the family squawks incessantly. If this is how the Bravermans plan a wedding, we'd hate to think what the bachelor party looked like.
3. Best Fistfight: After two seasons of building tension, The Walking Dead's Rick and Shane finally come to blows — and their knock-down-drag-out fight is a doozy. Although the episode begins with the duo peaceably talking through their issues (Shane's affair with Rick's wife Lori, Shane's questioning of Rick's leadership), things get heated when the pair disagrees about whether to kill the straggler Rick has brought into the group's midst. The bloody, bone-crunching brawl that ensues comes to an abrupt halt when the ruckus wakes a bunch of walkers and forces the men to team up in order to survive. While the former partners both ride back to Hershel's farm alive, we can't help but think that a Round 2 is imminent.
2. Quickest Reveal: After months of keeping fans guessing about who lost their life on the beach, Revenge wastes no time in showing us just who shot who: Daniel shot Tyler in self-defense before he was quickly knocked out by Emily's mysterious sensei, Takeda, who then fired two more bullets into a barely breathing Tyler. Now if they would just reveal that Tyler isn't really dead — we hate to say it, but we miss the sociopath!
1. Funniest New Shows: Everyone knows that Oprah Winfrey's OWN Network is struggling, so Jimmy Kimmel has some new program ideas, which he pitches to her on his show's post-Oscars episode. There's Oprah Repos Her Favorite Things ("I get a caaaaaar!"), The Jimmy & Oprah Interview (in which they simultaneously ask questions) and Oprah After Dark (Jimmy seduces a bubble bath-taking Oprah). But our favorite is Book Club Fight Club — a brutal, furniture-smashing twist on O.'s famous segment since, as Jimmy says, "reading is the most boring thing in the world." The first rule of Book Club Fight Club is: Never question Oprah's knowledge of To Kill a Mockingbird — she will throw down! Boo Radley!
What were your top moments?
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