Savoring Soaps: 10 Sweet and Soapy Valentine's Day Questions

 

1.  Is it my imagination or did bravura actress Sarah Brown return to General Hospital (as Claudia Zacchara) with a little something extra under the signature slutty red wrap dress? And isn’t fierce mob princess Claudia similar to Maerose Prizzi (played by Oscar winner Anjelica Huston), the fierce mob princess who wants to take control of her mob family in the 1985 movie Prizzi’s Honor? Is there any mob movie that GH writer Bob Guza has failed to rip off?

 

2.  Indeed, is thereany movie that Guza hasn’t ripped off? Last night I watched 1983’s War Games, about a nerdy but lovable teenage computer hacker (played by a very young Matthew Broderick) with a short, brown bowl haircut. He hacks into the computer network of the government and almost starts a global thermonuclear war. OMG, this must be the “inspiration” for GH’s Spinelli! Bobby G has no shame! And not an ounce of originality!

 

3.  Did I really read on that professional soap site that one reason the editor was happy Debbi Morgan has come back to All My Children as Angie was because Morgan hadn’t had any plastic surgery? Respect must be paid! Morgan’s return as the deeply mature, compassionate, exquisitely emotional and real Angie is one of the greatest events of the soap year! Brava to Debbi and Darnell Williams (Jesse), who make this old Agnes Nixonian All My Children fan weep with joy because I’m so happy to see them back on my screen everyday.

 

4.  Did seeing Shirley Jones playing the ancient Colleen Brady on Days of Our Lives flip you out? Wowsa! Talk about profound! I’m so sick of editors only crediting her as Ma Partridge on the The Partidge Family. Those of us with more refined tastes remember Jones as Laurie in Oklahoma! and Julie in Carousel (movie versions). I know a lot of you out there are musical theater fans!

 

5.  Who’s the Daddy? There are so many crazy father-finding-lost-sons plots going on at the same time on One Life to Live, I can’t keep any of them straight. Now, Jared is the pretend son of Asa Buchanan? Or is Jared now the biological son of Charlie? And Rex isn’t the long lost son of Charlie? And the same Rex is the biological father to Gigi’s son Shane? Oy! You need a special computer program to keep proper track of this!

 

6.  Did you see the magazine that had a picture of soap mainstay of almost 30 years, Bob Woods, on its cover with the headline “FIRED?” I trembled when I picked it up at the newsstand, thinking how many veteran soap actors would have a panic attack when they heard the news! It turns out BoBuchanan was to be fired as police commissioner that week! Don’t you hate when mags do that?

 

7.  Did you see Dusty’s murderer, Evan Walsh, hold Lily and Lucinda hostage waving a syringe on As the World Turns? It was laughable! Actor Ryan Serhant has to be one of the worst actors I have ever seen on daytime! Yes, I know he won the “In Turn” contest. And was the dope who tipped viewers that his own character was the murderer on his Web site weeks before it was revealed onscreen.

 

8.  On The Bold and the Beautiful, isn’t the story in which Taylor is in agony over the fact that Brooke (her lifelong romantic rival) is the biological mother of her son Jack (mistaken egg switch at time of in-vitro fertilization) just beyond, beyond cruel? I mean, Brooke’s best pal (and onetime husband) is Taylor’s husband Nick! And Brooke is about to marry Taylor’s ex, Ridge, for the 300th time. And isn’t this all the harder knowing that Hunter Tylo has to play this story right after the real-life death of her own son? Marlena hates cruelty to women on all levels.

 

9.  Now that it looks like the Writers’ Strike is about to be over, isn’t it great we’ll have our favorite head writers back to kick around again?

 

10.  I want to send a big bouquet of flowers to you, my beloved readers! We have happily connected with you, the wonderfully intelligent, THINKING daytime fans we knew were out there! Love you all! Happy Valentine’s Day!