Our top moments of the week:
11. Creepiest Closing Shot: On The Killing's season premiere, Detective Linden is lured out of hibernation when Holder, her former partner, brings her a case that bears striking similarities to a murder that sent her down the rabbit hole three years prior. Linden convicted Ray Seward (a super-creepy Peter Sarsgaard) for the crime, but was she wrong? Her doubt kicks into overdrive when the evidence leads her to a swamp filled with the decaying remains of at least a dozen victims Seward couldn't possibly have killed. Talk about a scary body of water!
10. Best Performance: America's Got Talent is back! And you know what that means: more precocious kiddies! Ten-year-old Anna Christine stuns the judges and the crowd with her powerful, mature rendition of the Animals' "House of the Rising Sun," prompting all four judges to shower her with slack-jawed praise. "To see you deliver with what looked like 30 years' worth of experience just blew my mind," Howie Mandel says. See ya in Vegas, Anna!
9. Most Unapologetic: Still pissed off/recovering/catatonic from Game of Thrones' brutal Red Wedding slaughter (see: No .1)? Well, don't expect any apology from George R.R. Martin. In fact, the author of the books on which the HBO show is based is happy that you're upset. "We've all seen the movie where the hero is in trouble, he's surrounded by 20 people, but you know he's going to get away," Martin defiantly says on Conan. "I want my readers or my viewers to be afraid when my characters are in danger. I want them to be afraid to turn the next page." How much does Martin not care? Conan shows him a YouTube montage of fans' reactions to the savage scene, and what does Martin do? Laugh.
8. Worst Twist: The ladies of Mistresses aren't the only adulterers in town. April, a widow, has been getting a series of creepy, heavy-breathing-style phone calls. But no, April, it's not the ghost of her dead husband calling (sigh), it's his love child, which she finds out when a woman shows up at her house later to confess that she had been having an affair with her late hubby.
7. Best Save: After nearly getting imprisoned for life, Burn Notice's Michael is willing to do whatever it takes to keep his big mission for the CIA on track. That includes killing his partner-in-crime, literally, when one of the culprits finds out that he is working for the CIA. Michael quickly takes control of the situation, ramming his car into another car, killing the bad guy. Nice to see Mikey back in action.
6. Best Twist: Just when rookie FBI agent Mike Warren thinks that he might actually fit in at Graceland's undercover safe house, he gets thrown a big curveball: A big shot has been sent to Graceland not just to work undercover, but also to investigate its top agent — the mysterious Paul Briggs, aka the man who just saved Mike's life. When asked whether Briggs' good deed will affect his ability to complete the task at hand, Mike doesn't flinch before saying no. Game on, USA!
5. Worst Trainwreck: "You know what The Bachelorette has been missing all these years? A group rap video," said no one ever. But that doesn't stop Chris Harrison & Co. from recruitingSoulja Boy to help Desiree and her suitors shoot the appropriately titled " Right Reasons." The whole thing is laughably bad, of course, but at least it proves that the producers have a sense of humor, right? Plus: It's better than this.
4. Deadliest BFF: On the season finale of BBC America's addictive Orphan Black, breakout clone Alison continues to shock and delight us. We've enjoyed witnessing the suburban soccer mom embrace her inner bitch (see: her glue-gun interrogation or minivan revenge sex), but she truly crosses the line when she allows her neighbor Aynsley to die by strangulation when her scarf is caught in the garbage disposal. What's worse, Alison is wrong about Aynsley being her clone monitor. (It's been husband Donnie all along!) While we don't condone murder, even passive-neglect murder, we can't help but cheer on the frenemy fatale. Move over, Anakin. We've chosen our champion in this clone war!
3. Most Awkward Confrontation: Bruce Jenner can dish it out, but he can't take it. After cursing out Jimmy Fallon at the London Olympics last summer for making plastic-surgery jokes about him, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star and Olympic gold medalist drops by Late Night to give Fallon an extremely awkward piece of his mind. And he just... won't... stop. For a solid eight minutes, Jenner, who even refuses to shake Fallon's hand, lobs diss after diss at the host — who can barely get a word in — all the while aggressively insisting that he's totally over it. Bruce, thou doth protest too much.
2. Most Unexpected Death: We all knew Randall was crazy on Revolution, but who could have predicted that he was destroy-two-major-cities-shoot-himself-in-the-head crazy? The former defense secretary explains that it was his plan all along to bomb Georgia and Monroe's headquarters because "a house divided against itself cannot stand." Don't you see, guys? He isn't evil — he's a patriot! Yeah, we aren't quite buying that either. But who knows if we'll ever get the answers behind Randall's bizarre demise. It doesn't seem as though he was a guy with a lot of friends to pass on his story.
1. Worst Wedding Reception: In perhaps one of the most traumatic scenes in scripted television, Game of Thrones says "I do" to an onscreen massacre in which heroes Robb Stark and his family are ambushed after his uncle makes a political marriage. We don't know what's worse: Robb's pregnant wife getting stabbed multiple times in the stomach, Robb uttering, "Mother," before he's dispatched by a traitor or mom Catelyn's suicidal madness in which she kills an innocent and then waits patiently for her own throat to get cut. This so-called Red Weddinghas shattered our sense of safety and broken our hearts. Will HBO pay for our therapy?
What were your top moments?
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