But Wait, That's Not All … The Big Winners of Super Bowl LVII

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The real winner of last night's Super Bowl LVII in Arizona was the person in charge of the lights at the Empire State Building. He/She dodged a literal bullet, and won't have to undergo the hysteria that took place when they turned the iconic landmark green when the Eagles secured the NFC Championship. Look, New Yorkers' reputation of being obnoxious and rude is completely overblown until it comes to anything connected to the Philadelphia Eagles, whose own fans make the obnoxious New Yorkers sports enthusiasts look like the Reese Witherspoons of fandom.

Turning to the commercials. It's been reported that the cost of a :30 was $7 million. Now, as most of you insiders know, there are a lot of ways to get to that number, especially as an Upfront advertiser. Let's just go with the cost of an in-game spot, which is near an all-time high as the Super Bowl telecast remains the only few hours of the year where you can reach hundreds of millions of slightly to more than slightly inebriated fans around the globe that are actually watching, critiquing and socializing their thoughts about your commercial.

According to the USA Today Ad Meter, there were 51 in-game ads, of which 80% were for some e-commerce fashion app that I've never heard of called Temu. Ok, so I exaggerate a little. I counted (and I call on the Interwebs to freely correct me) at least four ads for Temu in the game, including the post show. The ads, with the tagline "Shop Like a Billionaire," are bright with fun colors with a catchy jingle and, to their credit, clearly communicate the value proposition of the app. What the commercial does fail to mention is that Temu is a subsidiary of a Chinese-based company, which led me to think that perhaps the balloons we've been shooting down were all just a promotional campaign to support Temu's big Super Bowl push. Ok, so I don't really think that, but given the current political climate, the app will be banned by the University of Texas, members of Congress and state government officials.

Read Ed Martin's take on the Super Bowl ads here.

This year it's safe to say that the game went to the dogs. The Farmer's Dog to be specific, which nearly had me wiping away small tears as nothing guilts you into buying higher quality dog food than a sixty second life montage reminding you that your beloved pet will go to that great kennel in the sky a lot sooner if you don't use my product.

Amazon pulled a Shyamalan leading us to think that the COVID Cujo wannabe dog that you purchased was going to be sent back only to see the sequel, Son of COVID Cujo, delivered with one day shipping.

Pepsi gave up its coveted half time spot to Apple Music only to invest $12-$14 million to ensure that we will never be sure if the spokespeople they pay actually like their product or not. Interesting strategy. And Rihanna, dressed as a Red Delicious apple, reinforced the brand and delivered a great half-time show with a bunch of Oompa Loompas. And she subtly announced to the world that she will be delivering something else in about six months. (Congrats!)

Busch had a legit winner last night with a dead-on combination of irony and parody with its spot featuring Sarah McLachlan. Beer sales may not spike, but ASPCA donations were through the roof. I actually found the spot to be brilliantly funny.

It's good to know that the snack food we've been giving our kids for years may have been made in a former meth factory by Walter White and Jesse Pinkman. It was cool to see Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul team up for the Popcorners ad. They weren't the only celebs to hit the nostalgia button. Alicia Silverstone showed up as Cher from Clueless for Rakuten; Danny Zuko, er John Travolta appeared with Zach Braff and Donald Faison for T-Mobile. While I am sure the Summer Nightsparody was done in partial tribute to Olivia Newton-John, "Greased Lightning" might have been more appropriate to reinforce the theme of fast Internet speed. Workday -- you know, the Enterprise software company that recently laid off 525 people -- went a long way to prove that Rock and Roll is dead by highlighting rock icons from the '70s and '80s like Paul Stanley, Joan Jett and Ozzy Osbourne, but could only find Gary Clark, Jr, a blues  icon to represent a more recent "rockstar."

Finally, in a match-up worthy of more than the Puppy Bowl, Jesus and Scientology battled it on the field of your soul -- which might explain why the game ended on a Hail Mary. I am truly hoping for an epic re-match between the two next year when the game is held in Sodom, I mean Las Vegas.

I'm off to eat some Popcorners …

But Wait, That's Not All...

Planters should have let Mr. Peanut stay dead, and can someone please tell Snoop Dog that, while we love him, the Super Bowl and CES are two places we don't need to see him for a while.

Mmm ... these Popcorners are addictive.

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