A Radical Act of Fatherhood

In a flash I realized that this is where it happens where men turn into the husbands and fathers they swore never to be amp160By following their ambitions careers and often deluded definitions of success they neglect the important relationships that feed them If busy executives donamp8217t invest in those relationships eventually the wheels come off the family busI feared that if I didnamp8217t do something about it the time to be the father I wanted to be would pass never to return amp160Children would have grown and much water disappeared under the bridge of my marriageAt the time I was craving success like an addict and driving my career hard amp160I had recently organized and led a turnaround of a public companyamp160 And just at the very moment when I had achieved my goals for the company and was at the top of my game I engaged in a radical act of fatherhood amp160I walked away from a lucrative and engaging job and all but burned my bridges Together with my wife and four children I pulled up stakes and decamped to Bali for the better part of a yearI learned many things while we were away amp160After years of intense stimulation in the business world I learned to be still attentive and available to my children amp160I learned to be mindful present and creative amp160I learned to appreciate beauty joy and love amp160And I learned all of that so that one day my children could inherit a legacy of values rather than possessions amp160Today years later as I watch my children now growing into young adulthood interact with and enjoy each other I smile knowing that the investment is paying big dividends amp160And I have returned to my career just as dedicated and passionate but with a more grounded and compassionate toneI know a sabbatical is not in everyoneamp8217s reach amp160Still there are simple less radical and risky ways to give children the present of presence amp160Here are some ideas to considerShare joyful experiences amp160In Bali I took up drawing mostly as an experiment but also as a way to enter into a state of amp8220flowamp8221 complete immersion in an activity where the mind is quiet and free of distractions amp160Ego falls away and in its place a feeling of oneness with the activity takes hold amp160I have kept up with it since returning from Bali and to my delight a son and daughter have been taken by the art as well and flow is an experience we shareDo less and be more amp160I once met a woman from Poland who had recently moved to New York amp160She thought the polite answer to amp8220How are youamp8221 was amp8220Really busyamp8221 amp160Slow down donamp8217t get everything done before being available to your kids amp160The urgencies of work can be overwhelming but consider taking a moment to just be wholeheartedly with your kidsBring the power of intention to parenting amp160Being at your kidamp8217s ballgame but having your nose in your phone is akin to sleepwalking though your childrenamp8217s best years amp160Instead wake up and give your kid the magic of your attention amp160Engage in real conversation amp160Look them in the eye and take a beat before responding in order to send the message that you are truly listening amp160Your ears eyes and touch are your best tools for showing your children you are present and grateful for them amp160For a kid for anyone being heard is a prerequisite for being understood and who doesnamp8217t want to be understood especially by their parentsStay positive amp160Evolution has taught us to give greater attention to possible danger than to present pleasures amp160Although most of us now live in a modern world free of tigers snakes and marauding tribes our brains still churn out primeval anxiety amp160Most us must work at overcoming nature39s innate negative bias so we can teach our kids a positive attitude that makes for happy family life and may even help inoculate children from depression later in lifeamp160Recognize the power of now amp160See if you can focus on the infinitesimal moment of now amp160Right here right now how do you want to spend your time amp160Hereamp8217s a mental exercise Imagine that this Fatheramp8217s Day is last day of your life amp160How would you spend it If youamp8217re like me youamp8217d spend it with the people you love mostThis Fatheramp8217s Day consider a radical idea amp160Instead of receiving a gift give one amp160Offer your kids the present of presence amp160After our sabbatical I felt my family and I had been reborn amp160But you donamp8217t need anything as drastic as that to rejuvenate and reconnect amp160All you need to do is to make a deliberate choice to be intentional and present amp160That will be a gift for both you and your kidsBen Feder is author of Take Off Your Shoes One Manamp8217s Journey from the Boardroom to Bali and BackPhoto by Derek ThomsonUnsplashClick the social buttons above or below to share this content with your friends and colleaguesThe opinions and points of view expressed in this content are exclusively the views of the author andor subjects and do not necessarily represent the views of MediaVillagecomMyersBizNet Inc management or associated writers

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Ben Feder

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Jon Miller | Cofounder Marketo, Engagio | The Gumball Machine is Broken - Rethinking B2B Marketing - By Mike Linton

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