"The Bachelorette": He Can Kayak, But Can DeAnna's Future Husband Do What Really Matters?

If DeAnna Pappas this summeramp8217s Bachelorette on ABC indeed finds a husband on the show is she in for a big surprise Smart women with the possible exception of Cameron Diaz donamp8217t judge potential life partners by their Jet Ski skills or how they kiss on horseback in the surf off Grand Bahama Island Those things make pretty pictures on TV but they donamp8217t begin to make the measure of a mateDeAnnaamp8217samp8217 task this week was to cut one of the three last bulls from the herd With Jeremy Jesse and Jason all snorting and pawing the ground for her attention she had oneonone day and nighttime dates with eachGorgeous but personalityanemic Jeremy looked yummy against the pounding waves at the beach resort but he didnamp8217t say diddlysquat as he and DeAnna shared a romantic picnic DeAnnaamp8217s always urging the guys to amp8220open upamp8221 to her but Jeremy went all tickalock on the sharing when they were alone camera crews donamp8217t count They nibbled food and played tonsil tennis Then off they went to the candlelit amp8220fantasy suiteamp8221 where weamp8217re supposed to imagine them getting all up in the Kama Sutra but where for all we know theyamp160spent the nightamp160playing gin rummy like Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine in The ApartmentWith Jason the cute 31yearold father of one from a previous marriage DeAnna went kayaking and had another beachside picnic He thanked her for amp8220teaching me that I can fall in love againamp8221 Their lipslurping never dislodged one atom of DeAnnaamp8217s thick lip gloss Then off they went behind closed doors into that fantasy suite to uhamp160play some cardsDate three was with Jesse the snowboarder with the busted beak They rode horses into the water smooched so much even the ponies looked embarrassed and ended up at yet another Champagnesoaked dinner They briefly talked kids Jesseamp8217s on the amp8220under30 planamp8221 meaning heamp8217s ready to shred snowy moguls and DeAnnaamp8217s womb and then trundled off to the Kama Sutra suite to shuffle their decksElimination time Jesse and Jason are in Pretty Jeremy is out He didnamp8217t amp8220open upamp8221 enoughAnd thatamp8217s the big bugaboo with trying to choose a husband on dates that look like scenes in a Beach Party movie You canamp8217t judge a man by how he acts on vacation No meaningful conversation ever was had on a beach towel You can39t know what a man is like when all you39re doing is the grownup equivalentamp160of recess If The Bachelorette were serious about making real matches theyamp8217d forget tropical islands and let DeAnna see what how these dudes behave in real life First drop DeAnna and her suitors in a Home Depot Make him strap on a carpenter bag and hand him some tools Can he build a deck Hang a door Unclog a toiletA picnic is cute but it doesnamp8217t show what a man can do with a task few men enjoy Letamp8217s send the guys to buy the groceries for the picnic Without a list And with couponsInstead of watching them ride horses letamp8217s see if Jesse and Jason can change the oil in DeAnnaamp8217s grandmotheramp8217s amp821797 Camry and which of them also notices that the PSI on her tires is low Kayaking No letamp8217s hand the guys a stack of receipts and see whoamp160can navigate the rough waters ofamp160DeAnnaamp8217s taxesAnd hereamp8217s a fantasy suite for you A kingsized bed covered in laundry He who folds the sheets and towels best he who nods patiently when DeAnna tells him to refold the towels in thirds so that none of the edges shows when theyamp8217re on the linen closet shelf he gets to wrinkle the sheets already on the bedHereamp8217s a final test date the ABC show producers should consider Put the guy in a comfy den with a bigscreen TV tuned to the Super Bowl or Game 7 of the World Series Let him watch for an hour with all the Tecate and Tostitos he wants Then have DeAnna come in wearing a muumuu and no makeup grab the remote hit amp8220Muteamp8221 and say amp8220Honey I need to talkamp8221 Move in for the closeup on the guyamp8217s face Thereamp8217s where real character is revealed See which man grabs the remote back turns off the TV takes the ladyamp8217s hand in his and says amp8220Sure hon Iamp8217m all yoursamp8221 Hands down heamp8217s the oneDeAnna makes her final choice on The Bachelorette at 8 pm ET July 7 on ABC

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"The Bachelorette": He Can Kayak, But Can DeAnna's Future Husband Do What Really Matters?

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Elaine Liner

The Ad Council, Huntsman Mental Health Foundation and Amazon Announce “The Mind Set” to Support Mental Health - Ad Council InSites

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"The Bachelorette": He Can Kayak, But Can DeAnna's Future Husband Do What Really Matters?

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Elaine Liner

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