"Go the Extra Mile. It's Never Crowded."

What happened in the hours and days after news of his passing was initially shared with a list of 200 of his friends would signal that someone unique very special and very impactful was no moreSocial was media flooded with tributes and stories Here is just one feedamp160httpswwwfacebookcomthedurhamThe email announcing the news of John Durham39s demise was so responded to and shared that Microsoft believed it was the work of a spammer and that those lucky enough to be on it looked forward to and hoped everybody would hit quotreply allquot every time they added a thought or their memories Five days later the email thread continues to vibrate with ideas to honor the man memories that stir tears and evoke laughter and unspool many anecdotes and storiesJohn for over a decade would share a thought a story an observation or an anecdote which came to be known as quotDurhamismsquotamp160They were wise and they were funny They made you hold in tears or spit out what you were drinking or eating since they were so funny A request to sign up for a crowd sourcing project to take these writings and put them together in an electronic form prior to publication of a selection was oversubscribed within hours with CEOs and leaders grabbing as many assignments as they couldIf the measure of a man is the lives he has touched there is no tape or ruler long or deep enough to measure the impact of John DurhamJohn was in many ways the fabric that connected and weaved together a global diaspora of what initially were digital marketing and media pioneers but grew to include people of every stripe from CEOs to students across industries and the globeI was one of those lucky to know John Durham We were far more connected in the last two years of his life brought together by his being a generous champion of my writing and thinking which he asked me to leverage to the benefit of the many communities he cared about from University of California San Francisco to the San Francisco Bay Area Interactive Group to his clients at SF Catalyst and many more Almost every Sunday he would write me kind words after he read this weekly thought letterMany people knew him much longer and far better and interacted with him almost dailyamp160I have now begun to suspect there may have been many John Durhams because surely one individual could not be so much to so manyHe was friend mentor counselor advisor teacher family memberamp160And he was their sommelier their sports buddy their fellow traveler and the one who made them laughThe container that molded John was broken when he was born and we are unlikely to see someone like him again in the future but his teachings can help guide us forwardamp160Here are just a few1 Be kindDurhamism 1117 quotKindness like a boomerang always returns The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word unsaidquotGeorge Saunders wrote quoterr in the direction of kindnessquotJohn Durham erred so much in the direction he would be put in detention for life if there was a prison for the most kindBut John showed that kindness was the key to unlocking everything and everybody We all remember the little and big acts of grace courtesy and attention we got from him2 Be generousDurhamism 1140 quotGo the extra mile It39s never crowdedquotAlong with kindness the word and feeling that ran through John39s life and the tributes to him was his generosityHe was always there for everybodyamp160And he was there before you knew you needed himA few weeks before my book was published John reached out of the blue and asked if he could hold an event in San Francisco Typically he phrased it in a way that he thought I was doing him a favor in supporting the San Francisco Bay Area Interactive Group by creating an event around the book launch He got a soldout crowd with so many leaders who had come for the Godfather and for quotThe Durhamquotamp160but John shone that spotlight on meClass act after class act of giving including lots and lots of fine wine for the smallest of favors and helping was his story3 Be gratefulDurhamism 510 quotWhat often screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it39s supposed to be And the reason so many of us give up is because we tend to look at how far we still have to go instead of how far we have come Remember life is a journey not a destination This moment like every moment is a priceless gift and an opportunity Be positive smileamp160and make it count Pretend today is going to be great Do so and it will be Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel in factamp160we often feel because of the way we act A great attitude always leads to great experiencesquotJohn was a man who was increasingly sensitive to the finer shade of differencesFrom a conversation to a fine libation to every interaction there was infused a sense of joy and of presenceTo be alive To be there To experienceGratitude4 Laugh Laugh at life Laugh at yourselfJohn despite all his kindness and generosity had standards and could like all of us get angry and did not suffer fools Here are two perspectives on this from funny to deepDurhamism 288 quotLife is all about ass You39re either covering it kicking it kissing it busting it trying to get a piece of it or behaving like onequotDurhamism 2849 quotThe most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed A man who can laugh if only at himself is never really miserable Laughter is the soul39s health moroseness is its poison Laughter is therapy for physical pain emotional pain and the everyday pain of lifequot5 Live deeply and with a sense of wonderFor many years in his last decade John struggled with his health There were many days he was in pain but he was with almost everyone stoic and wanted to know about them and how they were The passage of time and the shortness of life infused the way he livedIn an interview he was asked about happinessWhat is happiness to youquotI used to think about it a lot I think happiness is what you enjoy doing how you spend your day what kind of people you associate with both in work and in your personal life the experience you have and how you think about all the things that you do and the people surround you places you39ve been to and places you want to visitquotMy happiness is number one waking up every morning knowing that I am healthy That means I care about my health and try to be healthy Number two doing something good every day I want to smile every day I think if you don39t smile if you go to bed without a smile your heart hurts That means I care about smiling once or twice I want to laugh once or twice a day Some days I want to cry sometimes I cry for happiness sometimes for sadnessquotI don39t believe you can be happy until you experience some negative things to appreciate what you do have Happiness is the appreciation of things you have in life and I doquotWhen I die I want people to say He was a good person he was fun to be around he shared his thoughts ideas and beliefs he cared about people and he gave only good That would be a very happy tombstonequotIf you are to give one piece of advice to other people to be happy what would that bequotAppreciate every moment everything everybody every day When you do it is breathtaking you can never capture it againquotClick the social buttons to share this story with colleagues and friendsThe opinions expressed here are the author39s views and do not necessarily represent the views of MediaVillagecomMyersBizNet

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Rishad Tobaccowala

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